For You - JINKOOK

-Confession-

Hi everyone. it's me kiaara.

As i said i'll do confession behind this book. there are some books that I got the idea from my real life that I just want to write and basically if I say I do to as an attempt to face it in different way to tackle it. 

It's a way I found and it really helped me. 

so back to topic. This book. I won't say it was an easy book for me. i had sometimes had a breakdown and cried after writing the chapters and book.  

i suffered from Thanatophobia and Somniphobia

Somniphobia (Afraid to sleep) it was so hard for me. i would be okay whole day but as the day become night I started to become scared to go to bed. i spent the whole time on my study table and when finally lay down on bed i just stare at ceiling  for so long afraid to close my eyes.  i was  scared so much. i can't explain how hard it was.  i was so exhausted. i used to be awake for days and then i just passed out. 

and now

Thanatophobia (fear of Dying)  ahh this..... i can't tell you guys. 

it started like two year ago. i started having dreams watching me on bed in hospital room dying hearing all leaving me. doctors saying they can't do anything and my heart is giving up. my heart can't suffer anymore.i used to wake up crying my heart out. i used to cry that much making me have attacks. it started to affect me that much that not only in nights i started to get anxiety attacks in day time. my friends started to see the affects they started to force me to get a treatment. they didn't know that all . they only saw my panic attacks and out of sudden taking gasp and sharp inhale of breaths in middle of my class.

i was tired of this all. i decided to get an appointment . some knows that i am getting treatment . 

and i am getting better. 

this all suffering affected me so much that i became mess and all the relationships whether friends and family. it became a mess. 

i started having weird and very hurtful mocking. 

that all was triggered because of my insomnia that i was suffering from years. 

so when i started writing this book it made me take out fear. because i was holding it in. this book helped me taking fear out. it was necessary that i speak about it and work on solving it. 

"you can't recover until you open up your wounds"

so i started to work on my healing and it really worked i am really grateful that i have made myself better with the help of my friends who didn't  left me. 

i feel guilty too that they were stuck with me when i was going through such a hard time.but grateful they bear me. 

anyways i am still healing. it sometimes come all over again. it made it difficult for me to calm myself. but i am getting better.

Thank you for loving this book. it made my days when you guys supported me and left a comment.

Thank you.