Survivor

Pretty picture

I am gonna paint you picture
Paint it with a twist
See the brush is my razor
And the canvas is my wrist
The red would be so pretty
Enchanting is the way it flows
So relish in my pain
Enjoy my torment
Like what you see?
Glad that i could be
What you want from me
You say you love me
Well sorry i am a skeptic
Too broken to let you in
To let you see how far the demon in me managed to win
You wanna help?
Walk away,let me go
Let me suffer,let me die
Let me feel the pain and lose my self
Let be submerged in a feeling so strong it'll make me forget
Drown me in a love so strong it'll burn me alive
Give me passion,show me a way out
Or get out of my life
Watch me escape my reality through my pain
All the lies and the disappointments
All the hurt and the oblivion
Let me escape with my soul and you can keep the empty shell
The body that became nothing more than a front
A front to camouflage the battle inside
A battle i am losing
But for the first time in a while
I don't mind the loss
Because i have realized that
The only standards i have to rise up to are my own
Too cold to feel whether or not you are telling the truth
Too numb to feel your stabs
So here i stand before you now bare with my heart at your feet
With my scars on my wrists
I fear nothing but god
I have nothing to lose
I'm dying anyway so what's a little more pain
What's an other wound
What's another scar
Build me up and break me down
I'm curious to see how this one ends
Even though it won't change a thing
Because i already know
I know you'll walk away
And I'll bleed the memories away
I'll find a way to keep going
So that you wouldn't feel guilty
Even though i doubt you will
I'll find a way to convince myself it'll be over soon
Because i am always okay
I'll find away to cover the scars with something pretty
Because i don't want your pity
I'll find a way to keep them all out and keep it all in
Because they wouldn't get it they wouldn't understand
Just like you didn't
I don't blame you though
I never did expect anything from you
Because you never were any different
From any of them
You just had a way with words that made me even for a moment believe i was beautiful
And allow myself for once to dream
But i had to push you away
Get you out before you saw the real me
The devil behind the angel's eyes
The demon that would rip you apart with a smile
The one that i held back
The one that consumes me,whole
Shows the rebel the fierce the passionate
The monster deep within