everyone i loved died

chapter three

the clouds gathered with roaring rumbles, a silver fade from the strongest of grey to the softest of whites, all which have a command within the woolen argent shawl of the sky. the pewter hues were as molten as silver, swirling in steady and radiating ripples, the atmosphere subtly swam with electric hues.

"it's my fucking fault!" karma slammed his head against the table, his arms barricading his skull.

sugino jolted, standing up abruptly, "quieten down- people are staring-" he hushed, hands clawing before his eyes, waving frantically.

he collapsed back to his seat, hesitating , ere questioning his friend..." what do you mean... that it's your fault?"

the silence was suffocating as the realisation drilled at karma's brain, to the point that pulling himself into reality was forced through staring at his trembling hands incredulously.

"...karma?" sugino questioned, his eyes quivered with concern as he met karma's blanched face.

karma could feel it, starting at the tips of his pale fingers. a desensitised sensation that would soon spread across his skin like wildfire.

"me..."

his limbs tingled with broken numbness. every breath he took translated from shallow to sharp, desperate, pleading gasps for air wailed as his lungs threatened to collapse.

"it was me..."

mind racing against time- time that never seemed to stop. ticking away as it cracked beneath the surface of his skull. the sound of the clock twitched over each number, echoing in the corners of his brain. his eyes widened but saw darkness. no matter how wide he stretched, his vision disfigured like a fisheye lens.

"....they're dead, because of me-"

there was a certain pain overwhelming him, but it wasn't something he could wish away- it was there, and it would always be, there to haunt him, to take him from any source of happiness. he was doomed; there was no hope, and those were the very last thoughts that he could perceive before his body succumbed to the breakdown.

"i killed them..."

all he could hear was the rain drumming on the windows and raindrops that serenaded off the roof, by now, kama's mind was deadening

"please lease listen to me-" sugino stuttered. his face scrunched with uncertainty, confusion spread within the chamfer of his brow,"i can't help you if you don't explain what's going on..." he mentioned, "i won't think of you any different- please just tell me... you're scaring me dude. and you're a scary man on your own!"

karma clenched his hand. taking a couple of moments to hurl the shock into his stomach. clearing the air from his throat, words began tumbling from his mouth... like he couldn't hold the suffering within his mind.

"...i." he paused, before restarting his words. "it was manami who was on the development team, for the drug that killed ayumi and kayano-" he whispered beneath his breath, "five years ago- when we were- together."

karma looked up swiftly to sugino with a nonplussed expression, "together?" he repeated, questioning his own words.

that epiphany was what made him question the past decade, every action, every word ever single thing that lead to this moment- why- did he do all this? was it all for her?

cause they were never together.

"why did i act that way to her?" he tediously asked, grasping onto his hair, "why was i so fucking soft to her?" karma planted the palms of his hands into his eye sockets, the jet black numbness became a kaleidoscope of fuzzed dots, trickled with darkness' light. "cause we were never together."