If Only I Could Read The Stars

CHAPTER 8

'Walking away does not solve any problem. I walked away from any probable problem, instead of trying to find out what happened. Probable, because everything that seemed to go wrong might have only been in head. Maybe he was just fine, but maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was the one to create the problem. If there has ever been one.'

And just as usual, my brain was saying something and I was doing something else.

5:33pm, Lena

How are you?

No response. He was active. I gave up. Before trying. Again.

I put my phone away and lay down on the bed. My favourite book was left right besides me, wide open. I couldn't waste time waiting for Einar to answer, although it didn't feel like a waste. Only if he was ever planning to answer. I started reading the book and was so caught up in the story until my phone started buzzing.

6:33pm, Einar

I had no idea what to do.

He responded exactly one hour later and that is everything I got. I felt like I had missed a whole chat. Yet why did he feel like doing something?

6:34pm, Lena

Maybe we can meet up again to clarify everything.

And silence resettled again. I was hopeless. I went back to the book, my only refuge, when...

6:55pm, Einar

There's no need to. I'm fine.

Why did he think I wanted to meet up with him to check if he was fine? Obviously he was fine if he responded.

6:56pm, Lena

I insist.

No response again. What was he doing?

7:00pm, Einar

Don't. We've already talked about everything we could.

And that was it, there was no need for me to respond, we had talked about everything we could, right? I had no idea what I was planning to tell him anyways. Definitely not- 'Hey, I think I like you!'. Maybe just a sincere- 'I'm worried.', although I had no idea what I was worried about anyways.

He was unbelievable. A thought started playing with my head, maybe he was only shy. But why do people start ignoring other people out of nothing? There had to be a reason behind.

And a thought of trying to find it started messing with me.

I went back to my work, that book was too good to be left half read. I lay down on the bed again when the same noise I had heard a few minutes before bothered the silence.

7:45pm, Einar

I'm waiting for you by the lake.

By the lake? He remembered?

But I was not going to do that. What would my parents have said? Going out, with who knows who, on a winter Sunday evening, in one of the most dangerous cities. Maybe it was not the most dangerous, but compared to the safety I had been used to living in, it was the most dangerous I had ever experienced. But maybe everything becomes less safe when an angry Ivan is hunting the city. And me. Ivan was hunting me.

So no, the answer was no. I was not going to go there, but I didn't tell him that. I left him on read.

I closed the book and started moving towards the desk to continue writing in the diary, but something like a powerful and magical force directed my steps towards the wardrobe. I took out of the closet, without even knowing what I was doing, a pair of warm jeans and a sweater.