XXX Chronicles

Chapter 21

She didn’t know why she had said it. It didn’t make a difference. Or did it? It wasn’t like she owed him an explanation or needed to be defensive. That’s what her brain told her. Her heart...her emotions, well, they were a different story: She hated he thought she was a little slut, fucking everyone- penis optional.

Star performer, indeed.

It hurt like hell when he had snarled those words at her.

How did he do it? How did he go from being a superior, annoying asshole to the vulnerable, beautiful, insecure man who did not want her to look at his skin discolorations?  He was so perfect in her eyes. And yet, it had touched her so deeply to see how he thought of himself as somehow deficient. Lisa had noticed the lighter spots the first night. Really, she hadn’t thought much of them.  But she certainly picked up on how he felt about them tonight. The veneer had come off his confidence and deep insecurity had been revealed.  Oviously, he wore more than one layer of disguises. Oh, she was well aware of his little shy act and childlike behavior he put out there. With her, he had never been anything but cocky and macho.  But then, that layer had been peeled away, shocking her further.

When they started to make love... Shit. Why did she think of it in those terms? Well, it was so different. They both were in control- and they seemed deeply connected- and not just by his immense cock buried deep inside. It was something else…something she could not name, but could feel and almost see. His eyes about killed her. They said so much and granted her a view into something so deep it took her breath and stole her heart.

So, it somehow was important he knew. She was not just a little slut. She liked to play and do her thing- but she was not for sale and she was not easy.  Every single time she had ever given her body to a man it had been in a quest for love.  A fool’s quest- but undertaken with pure motivation.  For what?  Every single son of a bitch had turned on her in the end, hurting her deeply- convincing her time after time that she was nothing but a cunt with a high profile name men liked to brag about. Her rare experiences with women were so different. Those had been about pure pleasure- without the fear of being taken advantage of. And still- in the end, the track marks on her body always spelled shame and regret.

She desperately wanted this to be different. Needed him to be different. Needed him to pry the nails out of her  cross. So why did she hand him the hammer?

Michael stared at her. “You mean…You didn’t do anyone else? Well, Monica, right..but…”

“Just that one time with her here. We had played around before. But never going as far as that night. And I do strip and …you know…get myself off and shit. But till I met you I never wanted to know who watched. And I certainly didn’t want anyone to join me.”

“Lisa…” His penis twitched inside her body which reacted and held him tighter. She read the questions battling with the passion. And something else.

Panic reached out with invisible slithering tendrils.

Oh no… Did he not believe her?

“What? You’d think I’d lie about it?”

He broke eye contact for the smallest fragment of an instant and yet she caught the reflection of his doubts.

“No, shit…I’m just…”

“Cause I’m a whore, right? I’m lying- that’s what you think.”