Kóri

Talk

Ejirou's week was going like shit, to put it bluntly. He hates it, hates that he can't be supportive of his friend and have a good time like everyone else. Hates that he's been avoiding everyone. Most importantly, he hates that he can't look the black haired girl in the eyes when he knows he's supposed to love her.

Kazuya Bakugou is just like her father, in Eijirou's opinion. She draws the whole rooms attention with her presence, standing proudly with square shoulders and a confident smirk across her lips. There is an air to her that can't be rivaled; It feels like a strong tide on a windy day, pushing and pulling at waters - dangerous if one gets to close. Eijirou remembers being new to Yuuei and seeing that very same aura surrounded a certain blonde. He remembers feeling determined to sail those dangerous waters and make friends with the sea despite what everyone warned.

When he looks at Kaz he sees Bakugou, but he also sees something else - someone else.

Her kindness extends beyond simple pleasantries as he watches her help Uraraka purchase her lunch. He sees her eyes light up when Kaminari asks her about her favorite book, notices the passion and excitement barely keeping from bursting out. When she hugs Ashido for helping her with eyeliner, wrapping her in strong arms and nearly squeezing the life out of her, Eijirou doesn't see Bakugou's tendency to show his affection quietly.

That is why Eijirou's emotions shift to silent anger and dread; because he looks at Kaz and sees the parts of her that belong to Bakugou's future partner.

It's so incredibly selfish that Eijirou feels sick at the thought. He mentally scolds himself to quit it. He should be happy for Bakugou, for Kaz. Heck, it's not like he's cut out of Bakugou's life in the future. They're hero partners! He should be happy.

Kaz notices it. Eijirou knows she does. She makes the same thinking face as Bakugou, eyebrows drawing together and jaw tightening. Having seen that look when she caught him excusing himself from the group several times confirms she's in the know. He noticed her giving him a sympathetic look before lunch earlier in the day. It made him wonder how much she really knew. Does she think it's as stupid as he does?

That's what it comes down to, that this - these feelings and thoughts - are stupid. They make him want to curl up and cry himself to sleep as any hope he had for returned feelings gets sucked down the drain. At the same time, he curses himself for even having such self-pity swirling around inside him. He should be happy. He needs to pretend to be happy.

He's tried so hard these past few days to come off happier than he is. The first day he spent as much time as he could manage around the class and Kaz. He attempted to participate in the future conversations, doing his best not to look too long at Kaz or her father. It hadn't been all that bad besides feeling guilty every time he so much as said a word to Kaz.

The second day had been worse. His mind felt fogged, his whole being weighed down. He blamed the depression and moved on with his day. He'd even forgotten to do his hair up, Bakugou having noticed and then proceeding to force feed him. The worst part was watching everyone chat excitedly about Kaz's "Pa". He hadn't been strong enough to stand it and left.

He couldn't - just, he couldn't watch Kaz or Bakugou without his heart breaking a little bit more. It's foolish and dumb and silly. He's a teenager, not even an adult for a few more months. He shouldn't be so upset over a stupid high school crush on his best friend. So what if he and Bakugou are meant for other people? Most people don't end up with the person they're in love with in high school. It's unrealistic.

But it still hurts. It hurt so fucking much.

By the third day, he couldn't stand next to Bakugou without being reminded of what he'll never have, what he never was meant to have in the first place, so he avoided him. Avoid what hurts you and you won't hurt.