Infidelity

11

I'm a ball of nerves as I'm climbing into his car. I'm welcomed by the overwhelming scent of him and I struggle to catch my breath. The atmosphere becomes tense when he enters the car.

I sit as further away from him as possible and I look outside of the window.

"You good?" He asks me and I nod without looking at him.

He begins to drive. I'm tempted to look at him but I don't.

There's no moon tonight. The city is only illuminated by the artificial lights. There aren't any stars either. Only clouds.

It's really hard to avoid the very obvious warmth of the body sitting  only a few inches away from me. I love my afro hair but right now I wish I had long straight hair so I can spy on him without him noticing.

I ball my fist in frustration.
I feel his warm hand over my hand. I jump slightly and I shoot a sharp glance at him.

"Relax. I won't bite unless you ask me to." He lets out a shortlived laughter.

I relax a bit and I look at him. His eyes are on the road. He looks very comfortable. I feel so awkward, I could jump out of this moving car.

"I'm just cold." I lie.

He turns up the heat. Now I wish I came up with a different lie. It's too hot in here. This heat plus his heat is the worst combination.

I look outside the window again and I notice that the street we're in is familiar.

"Where are we going?" I ask without looking at him.

He just smiles. He enjoys feeding my curiosity. It's really frustrating.

He makes a stop outside of my flat and now I'm even more confused. I unbuckle my seatbelt but he stops me.

"Stay in the car. I'll be right back. I just need your keys." He tells me.

I give up the keys without any questions. It's not like he's going to give me answers as anyway.

I am however grateful for my solitude. No awkwardness and absolutely no tension.

...and no guilt.

Just peace and judgement from my subconscious.

He nocks on the window and I roll it down.

"All is well and ready." He beams at me.

"What?"

"You'll see when you get there. Now come on let's go," he says.

I climb out of the car reluctantly. He keeps impatiently rushing me.

He opens the door for me. He ushers me in.

"Voila!" He gestures with his hands and arms.

There's a mini romantic, picnic setup in my living room. I don't know what to say.

I didn't even notice when he took out the picnic basket.

"Sit down." He instructs me.
I take off my shoes and sit. He joins me on the other side.

I take tiny bites of everything and he laughs at me.

"Are you on a diet?" He asks me.

"No. It's uncomfortable when someone's watching." I inform him so easily and he laughs again.

He takes a slice of pizza and gobbles it up too quickly. He almost chokes and I laugh at him.

"So what's the catch?" I ask him.

"There's no catch," he says.

"I'm a lawyer okay. I know there's a catch."

"You're not a lawyer yet."

"Well I'm studying to be one. Stop changing the subject"

"Okay. You caught me." He lifts up his arms signifying his surrender.

"I'm listening..." I smile triumphantly.

"I want to get to know you better." He tells me.

"We're always talking about me. Why don't you tell me about yourself"

He becomes tense but he relaxes after a moment.

"There's nothing much to tell. I'm an orphan. I grew up in an orphanage. I'm a hustler I couldn't do the 9 to 5, boring in my opinion. Nothing is interesting about me. But you, you're a wonder..." He's everywhere all at once, trying to piece together the nothing he tells me.

"Okay what do you want to know?" I ask him.

You know for a lawyer, you sure do give up quite easily.

I ignore my subconscious as I wait for his answer.

"The other night. You had an episode..." He's being careful with his words.

I frown sadly. Does he have to go there?

"I want to know..., so that I can handle it better next time." He swallows hard.

I pour myself a glass of wine and I drink it in one go. I pour myself another one and he stops me on the third one.

"My mother left." I say. I can't tell this story when I'm sober. I'm not brave enough. "...but before she left something bad happened."  I continue.
"Three shameless men broke into our house and stole our happiness. It wasn't going to be so bad if they only took our stuff and left. Tangible things are replaceable, mothers are not. They were too greedy, they stole my mother's dignity. All three of them. She was protecting us of course, since my dad couldn't be there. He was working for us, the honorable man he is. They violated her instead of us because she fought for us. Ever since then, she never ate. Never spoke. She died and now she wanders the earth. I'm sure she's homeless." I don't even remember when I began to cry but my face is a salty mess.

He looks at me and I can see that he understands. He doesn't feel sorry for me but he hugs me still.

He doesn't say anything. I take the bottle of wine and I drink from it. He takes it from me.

"You're petty." I say to him.

I stare at his lips longingly. My eyes move from his lips to his eyes. He doesn't move at all. I lean closer to his face. He breathes and I get a whiff of his breath. As sweet as the wine mixed with mint. I wouldn't mind a little taste.

A little nibble...

A little bite...

I allow the wine to take full control over my mind. It'll be very easy to blame everything on it if things go south.

I lean in for a kiss.

"We have to get some rest. It's a school night," he says.

I roll my eyes as I walk away from him clumsily.

He tries to help me.

"I'm fine", I snap at him but he helps me anyways.

He tucks me in and then he leaves. He's so annoying.