Y/N X Marvel (LGBTQ+)

*Wanda x y/n

WARNINGS: self harm, mention of self loathing and harm, homophobic terms, internalised homophobia

REQUEST: Y/n has internalised homophobia towards themselves and self harms as a from of 'punishing' themselves because they're LGBTQ+, Wanda finds out they self harm when she reads their mind. 

PRONOUNS: she/they

NICKNAMES: sweetie, my love

***

You knew you weren't homophobic - you never felt disgusted by Bucky and Steve - you never had these thoughts towards them. 
But it was different when you looked at yourself in the mirror. 
When you saw yourself all these words seemed to surround you. 

They closed in of you, making you feel small and trapped until you found a way to make them disappear for a little while. 
You found that if you let yourself loose control with a blade every now and then the voices disappeared for a small time. 

Soon 'every now and then' became every few days, which then lead on to every day. 
Eventually the thoughts in your head were getting louder and louder no matter what you did. 

You were sat in a meeting stuck in your own mind. 
If anyone had asked you couldn't have told them what was being said, you weren't even trying to listen. 

A while into the meeting, Wanda noticed you lack of acknowledgement of the meeting. 
She watched you for a little while before deciding to go into your mind and see what you were thinking so deeply about. 
When she did this however, she never expected the tormenting words to be running around your head. 

She kept in your head for a little while before coming back away when you started thinking about hurting yourself. 
Just the thought of that made her heart hurt. 

When the meeting wrapped up she waited for you to stand and leave before following you out. 
As you got up to your room is when you noticed she'd followed you up, you turned to look and see who it was. 
y/n:" Is everything okay Wanda?"
W:" I just wanted to hang out with you for a while"
She didn't want to let onto the fact she knew your deepest secret knowing it would upset you and get mad at her for reading your mind. 

y/n:" Umm okay, well what do you want to do?"
W:" How about just watching movies maybe?"
You thought for a few seconds before nodding your head and opening you bedroom door to let her inside. 

You both sat on your bed and started playing the movie. 
Half way through you'd stopped paying attention and instead subconsciously rubbed your fresh scars out of boredom. 

Without saying a word Wanda reached over to you, putting her hand over yours. 
You looked at her with a worried look, she gave you a soft smile in return and turned back to watching the movie. 
While she watched the movie you continued to look at her, confused by what she'd done. 

Only a couple of minutes later a you realised what was going on
y/n:" You know don't you?"
Wanda's head snapped over to your direction - a panicked expression lay on her face. 
y/n:" How do you know?"

W:" I-umm I ready your mind"
y/n:" Oh..."
W:" I didn't mean to find out.  You just looked sad and I - I'm sorry"
You looked down, messing with the seem on your shirt. 
y/n:" It's okay"
W:" I'm sorry"
y/n:" No really, it's okay. I've been meaning to tell someone - I just didn't know how"

Wanda searched your face for any signs of anger or upset at what had happened but when she saw none she visibly relaxed. 
W:" How long has it been like this?" 
y/n:" Umm since I realised I wasn't (straight/sis)"
W:" So you don't like the fact that you're ...... but you're okay with Bucky and Sam being together.  You even call them cute"

y/n:" Of course I don't mind them - I'm not a homophobe Wanda"
W:" Maybe not to others, but you are to yourself. That's why you hurt yourself, isn't it?"
You looked down to hide the tears forming in the corner of your eyes and nodded slightly in acknowledgement of Wanda's question. 

W:" Someone's told you that you can't be who you are, haven't they?"
Keeping your head where it is you nodded once again. 

W:" I know how it feels you know?"
You slowly looked up at her, unsure of what she meant
y/n:" Really?"
W:" Maybe not exactly the same as you but I was constantly told how dangerous I was and how I should hide my powers and be embarrassed of them. Then I was ashamed of them. I might not understand it the same way you do but I know what it feels like to be ashamed of a part of you"

A/N: This feels a little unfished but I can't think of what else to write so I think this is a cute ending. 

And I would also like to mention someone so you can go check out their work.  MarvelStanJenn  has been has supporting me since literally the beginning of my original books - so if you're looking for someone new to read their books, I 100% recommend them. 

How is everyone doing? I feel this book is a little neglected, I'm sorry, I'll try post more here too. 

xxx

(I'm having issues getting it to post with the pictures so I'm sorry for all the reposts xx)