Secrets That Remain: The Untold [Book 1]

Chapter 10: Shame and Love

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF BODYSHAMING AND TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

"Sara!" Mom raise her voice at me. A single drop of tear fell down her face. Why?

"Mom, you are crying? Why-um-wait..." I stood up from the ground to hug her.

"I am not crying. Just let me go," she said, pushing away my body from hers.

"Don't lie."

"I am not lying—"

"Then what are these?" I show her the pearly saline drops on my hands. "What are they? Now tell me, did I hurt you or was it my words that offended you?" She looks at me as if I have gone insane.

"I am not crying because I am hurt or offended; rather I am incandescent and feeling extremely helpless," she sighs, "Just how much I want to whoop their ass! How dare they treat you like that?" she hissed. She looks like a feral cat- angry and hurt. I thought I could at least comfort her with my words but before I can even come up with anything, she continues, "And you, Sara! How dare you talk about yourself like that? How dare you? I didn't raise you like that. And what nonsense was that, huh? You deserve to be cheated on? What's this nonsense?" She's so pissed right now. I haven't seen her this furious for a really long time.

"Omma," I try to reply but she cut my words short.

"If you ever, ever dare to say something like that again, I swear to whoop your ass first before settling matters with your bogus friends," she warned me. She is serious. I am legitimately scared. I cannot, not even in billion years, imagine my mom, my mom being physically violent with anyone, like anyone let alone her own child and bunch of teenagers.

"I am sorry, Omma..." I apologize as fast as I can.

"You know, I don't want your apologies right now. What I want is an explanation. Why did you say that? You can't say stuff you don't mean, and if you really mean it, where did that thought come from?" She means business. Damn it. Why can't I just keep my stupid mouth shut for a fucking minute, damn it!

After ruminating really hard, I replied, "Um... Well, because that's the only reason I can think of, at the given moment. I don't like my body; I think one of the biggest flaws in me is my body... He has called me out for my dress sense. He never liked my over-size, baggy clothes and always reminded me how they looked hideous and made me look uglier, so I thought, you know, maybe he just got tired of me..."

"That's bullshit, Sara. He should be ashamed of himself for shaming you on your body and dress sense. You should be ashamed of yourself for actually believing his words and hating your body, a body that provides you with everything. And lastly, it's a shame on me as your mother, for not teaching my own daughter self-love, acceptance and preaching her sense of comfort in her own skin. This is so sad, Sara. I feel so ashamed of myself, I feel like I fail as your mother." She lowers her head, letting go a painful groan. It is not her fault.