Skinny Girls// a short story

before- 3

Some days it's a whole lot essier to pretend I'm fine. Just to put on some makeup and do my homework and eat a salad and go a week or two without self harming. I fake it and people belive me, but the worst part is, I tend to make myself belive I'm getting better when in relaity, I'm not doing well or getting better. 

        Just to get out of bed is an effort, a hard and difficutl task that I can't deal with. Not picking up the fork isn't just me trying to be skinny anymore, it's me not caring if I eat or not. It's me giving up and being lazy, that sounds horribel, but that's what it has come to. I don't wan't to eat. I don't wan't to cut anymore ethier though. I don't want to do anything. Anything but die. Or better yet, I wish I had never been born. It's too much to take on, but I can't leave Macie. She's the one thing keeping me here. The one person wanting me to get better. The one person who is keeping me alive. I know it's the same for her too. I'm the onlly reason she's sitll alive too. But, what else do you do when your on the verg of killing yourself? You call your best friend because maybe things will be okay if you do. 

        I suppose that this life being the way it is for me, is my fault. I'm the one who choose to cut and not eat and want to give up. But people provked me, pulled me into it, made me want to. People told me to kill myself, a guy rapped me making me feel worthless and like a faluire. Society and my parents expected this perfect model girl and student and peers expected me to be happy and helpful and aslo perfect, but oh my fucking god, that's not me. I can't be that girl. I never will be, never, ever. I'll always be the girl who hides behind a smile when really she's bleeding. Hey, just call me little red riding hood. 

        But maybe making me leave will be the answer that will wash the slate clean.....I'm not sure, It's just a possibility that things will be better with me gone.

I sat in the darkness, the utter darkness of my room and I wanted to die.

I stood up, my body shaking all over. I felt dizzy and light headed. 

How much did I weigh?

***

The next day at school we had to run the three mile for our finall. I put my head phones in and started to run. My vision blurred and I started to feel really dizzy, I wasn't sure what was going on.

        "No." I heard Macie mutter under her breath as I started to fall to the ground. "NO!" She reapeted trying to catch me as I fell to the gravel track. "HELP!" She screamed. "HELP!" The coach ran towards us while a student ran inside to get some other help.

        "What's wrong?" The coach asked getting closer to us.

        "She...she just collapsed." He nodded and went to pick up my body. I couldn't protest or anything, my body was going into some sort of shock. I felt my insides were giving up and my heart was giving up.

        "Holy shit." The coach whispered as he picked me up. "When did this girl eat last?" He asked.

        "This morning." Macie said.

        "When was the last full meal she had Macie?"

        I could see that Macie was starting to cry and messing with her bracelts. "Macie..." Coach warned.

        "I don't know. It's been a while."

        "You knew about this?"

        "She's been sturggling with an eating disorder for two years now. Her parents know. She's been back and forth to the hospitals for a while now. I thought she was getting better. We all did."

        "Macie, Go tell the office we need 911 and her parents."

        "Oka...okay." She said with a shakey voice as she left to the office.

        "Okay kiddo, stay with me."

        A few more minutes and the ambulence had showen up.

        "I'll be right behind you." Macie said. "Don't go." She said. "I love you."

I tried to show someway of telling her I was understanding her, but I just couldn't. My eyes rolled back and all I saw was darkness.