Skinny Girls// a short story

after- 5

"Why are you in here?" I asked Patrick after a few minutes.

"I broke."

"How so?"

"Depression." He said it so essily, so freely.

"What did it lead to?"

"Attempt."

"You tried to kill yourself?" I asked.

"Yes. Yes I did."

"Self harm?"

"No."

"Oh."

We sat there and then he broke the silence with a question.

"Aren't you going to ask something else to?"

"Like what?"

"Like whats depression like or how i got here or why im depressed. I don't know something like that."

I took a deep breath, but I spoke up.

"Depression. Well it's like your standing in the street in time square on new years eve. And you just stand their and your screaming and crying and no one cares. The people they walk by and no one gives a shit. That's how depression is. Except it eats away at your mind and your voice and the silence and self harm and drugs or beer, or whatever, that stuff is your screaming. It's your scream out for help before you end it all. But then no one sees or cares or listens so you think whats the point? and slowly you are devoured inside and out till you have depression and you become the monster you told your self you never would be. Depression, it's not eating or eating too much. It's taking a blade and not even feeling it slide across you skin because your so damn numb. Depression is lying awake at three in the morning shaking and writing a goodbye. Depression is sleeping and being so un motivated and blocking people out. Depression is fucking evil and you should never curse someone to have it or wish you had it because it's just horrible."

"Wow." He said after a moment. "You sure know a lot about depression."

"I've lived with it for so long now."

"Have you tried?"

"I was close but my friend walked in on me so I had to be sent to a therapy place for a week. But I still self harm."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Your numb too?"

"Little bit."

"What happened with your friend?"

"eating disorder."

"Damn."

I didn't say anything. How the hell could i?

Patrick put his arm around me again and pulled me in for a hug.

"You can laugh and you can cry if you need to. Whatever you need to do. But stay alive. I know I'm a suicidal teen telling another suicidal teen that suicide it's the answer, but i don't give a fuck. You stay around okay? Stay around because you have made me feel good today. Even though your day was shitty, if i hadn't had showed up you probaly would be in this part of the hospital with me or you know gone. But that made me feel good that I was here because I know that I can do something right. Besides you deserve to stay alive. Do it for your friend."