The Story of Us

chapter twelve

"Will you hold me now, will you take me home?"

He takes her suitcase and purse and lets her lead the way towards the door of her apartment on the second floor of the building. She pulls out the key from her right pocket and opens the wooden door, turning on the light of the small hallway and letting him in.

They both take off their shoes, leaving them right next to the entrance and Haziran turns on the heat, since the apartment is cold due to her not being there for the past two weeks.

"I'd offer you something to eat but my fridge is empty. I need to go grocery shopping" He looks at her and realizes that she's avoiding meeting his eyes, looking everywhere around her but at him. He smiles in understanding, knowing that it won't be easy for her to be able to completely trust him so soon, not after all the heartache he caused her. But he's willing to fight to gain that trust back, along with the love he knows she still feels for him. "We can order something if you're hungry." She keeps pacing the room, clearly nervous and trying her best to hide it.

"Haziran.." he looks at her, trying to get her eyes to land on him but she doesn't stop, doesn't turn to look at him, just keeps moving and pacing from one side to the other of the small living room. But she never turns to him.

"I have tea, or coffee, if you want." He sighs and decides to get closer to her, enough for her to feel his presence but not too close to startle her.

"Can you please look at me?" He says softly and her whole body freezes in front of him. Her shoulders are tense, he notices and wants to reach out to her and hug her but he knows she would probably refuse him right now.

"I know you didn't sleep with Naz." She whispers, her back still turned to him and her hands closed in two tight fists on her sides. "Kaan told me" he breathes out a long sigh of relief and closes his eyes. But then he realizes that she might know way more than he thinks.

"What else did he tell you?" He asks, knowing exactly what her answer will be. He isn't mad at Kaan for telling her, he knows his friend did it to protect them both. She turns around then, her ocean blue irises stare back at him so deeply he feels like drowning in them. He can read the pain in her beautiful eyes, can read the tiredness and sadness and also the the love and the urge to scream at him just how mad she is.

"He told me how you had every intention to come to me two years ago. And why you didn't." Her voice starts to shake slightly and a loner tear falls down her right cheek, ending on the corner of her lips. He feels the urge to swipe it away with his finger but stops himself from doing so, not able to move a single muscle towards her. "He told me how my mom broke you and played with your traumas and how you believed every single word she told you." A sob escapes her mouth and more tears start falling from her eyes. She takes a step towards him, never taking her gaze away from his. He feels his own cheeks becoming wet and realizes that he's crying too. "Why did you believe her? Why didn't you believe me every time I told you that I loved you?" She asks, begging him with her eyes to be completely honest.

"Because it was easier to believe that I didn't deserve you. Because no matter how hard I tried to give myself credit for being actually worthy of someone's love, it has always been easier to believe that I didn't really deserve it." She steps forward once again and stands tall right in front of him, less than two feet away from his body.

"All this time" she tries to suffocate a sob but fails. "All this time, all I did was wait for you. Every damn day I hoped you'd knock at my door, Poyraz."

"I never wanted to hurt you"

"But you did! And it's not even about how much time you had me waiting, it's about the fact that you really thought you were unworthy of me, when you were everything to me!" She doesn't scream, but the pitch of her voice is slightly higher out of desperation. She takes one more step and punches him on the chest with both fists, not too hard, but hard enough to make him actually feel what she's saying. "You still are everything, how can I make you believe that you are everything to me?" He lets her punch him once again, knowing that she needs it, needs to vent her anger on him a little. "I love you. Do you understand me? I love you so fucking much, it hurts. I've loved you every single day you weren't next to me, I loved you on the days all I wanted to do was hate you. I love you now, more than anything and I'm going to kill you if you ever dare doubt it." Her eyes are a bit red as well as her nose and her cheeks are soaking wet with salty tears and all he wants to do is kiss them all away. Her stare is glued to his, she's even scared to blink because she doesn't want to miss a single detail of his reaction to her words. He feels like he can't breathe, but also as if life is breathing again into him, as if his soul was brought back to his body after a long time, while hearing ever single word that comes out of her beautiful lips. "Don't you ever dare think you're not enough for me. You're way more than enough, you've always been everything and more to me and I don't care what anyone else says or thinks. We are the ones to decide who to spend our lives with, not my mom, not your grandma, us." She starts to calm down, her voice becoming softer and her sobs turning into small hiccups. She stops hitting him with her fists and spreads both her palms on his chest, her right hand covering his heart, then moves up to curl on the back of his neck so she can lay her head on the spot where his heartbeat can be heard louder and clearer.