Crossroads (Book Three)

Chapter 37

Lyla

The door closes behind Shawn and the last shred of strength I was holding onto dissolves as I fold into myself, dropping to the floor. Sobs rack my body as I sit on the cold hard floor. I can feel Will sit down beside me and hear his muffled voice speaking, but it's drowned out by my cries.

I feel his arm slide under me before he lifts me into the air. I close my eyes as I feel him carrying me across the apartment and soon enough I'm met by the soft duvet on my bed. Blankets are placed over me as I continue to cry and curl my knees up into my chest as I lay on my side.

A glass of water is placed on the bedside table in front of me and I stare at it, trying to focus on anything other then the pain I'm feeling right now. I don't know how I can feel so in control yet out of control of my own life in this moment. I made the decision to end things moments ago yet I already feel the pressure of regret trying to surface itself inside of me.

That quiet voice in my head telling me to go after Shawn before it's too late. But I know I did what I needed to for my sake and as much of a struggle I know it will be, I need to stay strong.

The light to my bedroom is shut off and I'm left in the darkness as my door is closed with Will disappearing behind it. I'm a blubbering mess at this point and I let it all out. I embrace the tears that I've been trying to keep at bay all night. The image of Shawn's face sitting in front of me appears in my mind, how broken he was by my choice.

I wanted nothing more in that moment to fall into him on the ouch, cling to him and make promises to each other I knew we wouldn't be able to keep. The look of his face split me into a million pieces but I held myself together long enough, so now I let it out.

I wake up on my own, no alarm sounding, no warm greeting of Shawn body pressed against mine as his hand squeezes my hip. I sit up in my bed and all the events of last night come rushing into my head and playing out for me again. We broke up. A part of me is still wrestling with the notion I may have made a mistake. But I know this is what I have to do for both of us. Shawn might not see it yet, but we will both be better for it. In six weeks I will be leaving for Africa and he will stay behind to focus on his rehab and getting ready for next season.

I glance around in search of my phone, but can't find it anywhere in sight and determine it must be out in the living room still where I left it last night. I swing my legs out of bed and begrudgingly stand up, leaving the warm embrace of my duvet behind as I move to my dresser. I grab a sweater I pull on over my head then catch a glance of myself in my mirror.

I look like a wreck. My hair is frizzy and tangled as part of it still barely resembles a loose bun on the top of my head and other strands fall randomly around my face. My eyes are bloodshot and puffy from the onslaught of tears I cried last night. Accompanying my red eyes are dark bags underneath that clearly display how exhausted I still am. I don't bother trying to fix myself before I leave my bedroom.

When I walk into the kitchen I head straight for the coffee maker and start to brew a pot. A low groan from the coach catches my attention and I look over to see Will sitting up on the couch as he stretches his arms out above his head. He looks over the couch towards me and offers me a small smile which I can't return.

I can tell he's concerned about me as he takes in my appearance, his face scrunching up slightly. I turn back to the coffee pot and stare at the carafe as I watch the black liquid slowing trickle into it.

I'm unsure if Megan even came home last night. Her bedroom door was closed when I passed it earlier so she might be sound asleep inside or she could have stayed over somewhere last night. I pour myself a cup of coffee once its ready and grab a seat at the kitchen table as I wait for it to cool before I take a sip.