The train

Ch. 7 [N]

Ivan's hands finally continued what they stopped that night when we first kissed. His hands traveled under my shirt. I leaned into the kiss more, giving him the go-ahead signal to continue. His hands navigated my bare skin like a painter softly brushing their paintbrush across their canvas.

"Lyra," he mumbled into my mouth, barely hearable.

I pulled back slightly and looked at him. He had a dazed look. Like, he was mesmerized by what just happened. "Yes, Ivan?"

His warm hands were still against my skin and I felt goosebumps erupt all over fairly quickly. I was leaning on him before he spoke.

"Let's continue this later at your place," he said firmly. He was holding back, I could tell. He gently pushed me off him. I figured we should just wait till we're not on a train to continue.

At this moment, I had no idea what Ivan and I's relationship was. Were we friends? Friends with benefits? Friends who completely lost their minds? More than friends without a label though? The list was endless and I wasn't sure how I felt about not knowing what he sees me as especially after what we have done.

He got up and sat across from me and put on his headphones. I watched as he turned the volume to max and stared out the window, leaning his head back against the chair. I could see his Adam apple sticking out.

I had completely forgotten that Ivan, Rose, and I were going to stay at my parents' place for the first two nights so that we could meet my friends and see Lewis when he comes back to town on the second night. Afterward, we and a few friends would head to a B&B for three more nights then we'd head back home to New York.

Sure I was nervous about bringing my friends from NY to meet my friends in ON, but I was mostly nervous about my dad and mom meeting Ivan especially since there was tension between the two of us and my mom is quick to notice the littlest of things.

We had about an hour left before we reached our destination so I decided to take a power nap because I was exhausted from the night before. I was up doing last-minute packing and cleaning up my place. I glanced at Ivan and sheepishly smiled. He caught it and stared at me blankly before turning back to the window he was staring at.

Jeez, wonder what's up with him.

I pulled my hood up, put my headphones in, and relaxed in my spot. The gentle vibrations from the train felt nice and I found myself drifting off fairly quickly. Before I knew it, I fell asleep.

Ivan's POV

I stared at Lyra for a moment when I noticed she fell asleep. I immediately sighed and closed my eyes. She's beautiful and I can't help but want to run away from her.

She's amazing - she truly is - but I can't be falling for her this quick. It's quite embarrassing. I'm not even sure how I'd tell Lyra about the awkward situation going on between me and Rose.

Three nights ago (before the trip), Rose had asked if I wanted to hang out. Without hesitation, I agreed and we went to my place.

While we were sitting on the couch in my living room eating popcorn, I caught Rose staring at me.

"Something's on your mind, Rosie?" I asked her as I offered her some popcorn from the bowl that was on my lap.

She shook her head and patted the spot next to me. "Can I sit there?"

I nodded and put my arm on the back of the couch to comfort her when she got closer since she didn't seem too happy. "Are you okay? You seem d-"

"I like you," Rose interrupted. "I like you a lot, Ivan. I'm sick of seeming like a younger sister to you when all I want is to be more than friends with you.." She trailed off and stared at me. She was nervous for some reason.

"Where's all this coming from?" I asked, looking at her all confused.

"I just-" She paused for a second. All of a sudden, I felt lips crashing down on mine. My eyes closed for a split second then opened just in time to see Rose's eyes closed as she kissed me. As if she could see that I was looking at her, she backed away alarmingly fast.

"Was Lyra over here before I came?" Rose asked as she scrunched up her nose. My face lost blood. Shit, shit, shit! I was wearing the same shirt I wore when I went to Lyra's and I hadn't washed it due to how busy I've been.

"No. I was at her place the other day," I told her honestly. In a time like this, there was no need to lie.

She froze and stared at me. "What did you two do to have to smell exactly like her? Did you play dress-up?" She loaded me with questions I wasn't ready to answer but like I said; at this moment there was no room to lie.

"We.. We made out but we stopped. It wasn't serious. I think," I told her truthfully. I hated lying to those close to me, especially Rose.

She looked at me with disbelief. "Made out? You barely know her and you suddenly just make out with her?!" She hollered at me.

"For all we know, she could be a lying whore who's been trying to get in your pants."

Now it was my turn to look at her with disbelief.

"Are we talking about the same Lyra? The same Lyra we just met? The same Lyra you're jealous of? So what, I kissed her because I like her and she is no whore so don't you ever call our friend that again," I told her calmly. If anyone talked bad about Rose, she knows I'd stand up for her in her absence. Maybe she thought that only applied to her because of the way she was acting.

"Have you considered that the reason I might be jealous of her getting to make out with you is that you've only known her for a few weeks and already made out with her but I've known you for years and you never once romantically looked at me?" She asked me. I looked at her and it looked as if she was about to cry but I was flabbergasted and didn't know what to say.

We were friends. She was like family to me; a younger sister to me. Of course, I wouldn't romantically look at her, I never have. We've always had a sibling-like bond and transitioning to a romantic relationship after being this way for over a decade would be quite insane honestly.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Rose. You know how we've been all of our lives, we don't need to change it," I began to explain, calmly. "I love you and care about you but not in that way. I'm sorry that I made out with Lyra but no matter what you say, it won't change how I feel about her."

The tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes started falling one after the other. I couldn't stand to see her sad so I tried bringing her in for a hug but she shoved me back hard and got up to leave. "Enjoy your time with her, I won't be tagging along," she said quietly before walking out the door and slamming it hard behind her.

We have argued many times before, yes, but never like this. Never over something like this. Even with other girls, I was with before, Rose always liked them and was nice to them just as she was with Lyra at the beginning but why did she have a sudden burst now?

Lyra didn't deserve this; she's a kind, caring, sweet, considerate, generous, forgiving, and intelligent young woman. She didn't need to fall victim to Rose's feelings. These two were my favorite people at the moment who.. who.

This is all Rose's doing. She's always been like this. I love her to death but c'mon? Can you blame me? I'm sorry we connected but jeez. I was ignoring the recent signs of her feelings developing for me; staring at me for longer periods, asking to hang out a lot more, being way nicer than usual etcetera.

I was looking forward to spending time with both Lyra and Rose but now it's just Lyra and me. I'm fine with that, I guess, but it would've been nice for Rose to come along on this trip since she was excited to see where Lyra came from.

It was in the past now. She was in New York and we were almost at the Riveras' house. Watching Lyra sleep and the relaxing music playing in my ears, I was feeling a wave of tiredness come over me, and of course, I allowed it to.