Crazy Files

Hoe on a Beach (Part 1)

Date: April 20th,1990
Location: Daytona Beach, Florida

It is 1990 and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are dub-performing their hit song "Knock Me Down" for some party that was being televised on MTV. Chad Smith and Flea got into an altercation with a person that was attending, because they thought she was mocking Anthony's dance moves. That lady turned out to be a European model named Esmé Astor. (Btw, Esmé is a fictional character created by me, not a real person)

Esmé: *dancing and minding her own business*
Flea: HEY!
Esmé: Uhh...hello?
Flea: You mockin' my friend?
Esmé: No, i'm just dancing-
Chad: Yeah ok, copycat.
Flea: Yeah Yeah. Copycat!
Esmé: How am I a copycat?
Flea: Because you a hoe on the beach
Esmé: At least i'm not a meth addict arguing with random people on a beach.
Flea: YOU HAVE NO DAD!
Esmé: I have a dad, and he's friends with your producer.
Chad: He probably left to get the milk, but ended up being friends with Rick Rubin.
Esmé: Your mad because you lived in a trailer park, and I lived in a mansion.
Flea: You a whale on a beach! That's why your daddy left you.
Esmé: So are you gonna just keep like acting like a 4 year old?
Flea: I'M NOT A FOUR YEAR OLD!
Esmé: But you're acting like one.
Flea: You a hoe on a beach
Esmé: And you look like Spongebob's house.
Chad: You know what bitch?
Esmé: What

*Chad picks up the lady and holds her over his head, and spins around*

Esmé: Put me down asshole!
Chad: This is the hoe on the beach everybody!

*By this point, a crowd formed around the group. Everyone was just watching in second hand embarrassment for the two Chilis*

Random person: Yo put her down!
Chad: No, fuck you!

*Anthony and John sees the crowd form around the stage and exits the stage. They end up going to where the crowd is and pushing through them. Anthony is immediately shocked when he sees Chad holding the lady over his head and spining her around*

Anthony: Chad Gaylord Smith.
Chad: *turns around and puts Esmé down and gets kicked in the nuts by her*
Anthony: This is not Jerry Springer, this is MTV. And the both of you need to show some damn decorum.
John: Yeah this is not Jerry Springer!
Anthony: *turning his head and glaring at John* Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
John: Sorry daddy senpai.
Anthony: *Side eyeing John* Let's go.

To be continued...