ENDEARMENT (ON HOLD)

Consuming 🧡

Discretion of readers required,

Long back when her father Arvind was suffering from the pain of losing his two horses, she had adorned the stable with fresh small plants, sowing seeds of flower boring, fruit boring ones, some herbal ones too in and around the place.

The stable no more looked defunct, and gaining a new existence, the sight of it had instantly vanished all her father's grief. She rejoiced her father spending time there, in peace and so was she.

But now standing in the same place, it did not feel the same. Her heart was still unresolved, it was true though forgiven the past will never be forgotten and it haunted her so much that she lose the peace within herself. And in that moment, she wanted him, her heart wanted him, her mind wished for his presence, for he is the only medicine, the only aid for all her scars.

The Sun was down and so was she, with her open tresses, her pallu fliting to the air. Her simple cotton saree had struck to her skin, revealing her hidden figure, curves of her enticing body. Though the force of wind was more than usual, she did not flinch to it. Her heart pleaded a little distraction from all the illusions that controlled her verity.

Meanwhile standing near the threshold of the house, his heart ached reminding her eyes that held pain when he introduced his new friend to her. It had pained him too, but with the sudden fear enveloping his soul, he was frightened at her questions which would bring him the natural death, so easily.

As he stared the stable, the one adjacent to the house, "Dada, boudi ko aapki zaroorat hai. Jayiye, shayadh woh intezaar kar rahi hogi." Turning to his brother, he nodded, "par Batuk, agar usko mujpe..." his words stopped when his brother shaked his head, " woh boudi hai, aapki patni, aapki Bondita, joh aap se bhi jyadha aapko janthi hai. Jayiye dada." His heart suddenly lit at this, yes, no matter what, his Bondita knew him better, better than himself, and so there was no place for the superfluous questions, "Jaa raha hoon, meri patni ke pass," and with Batuk passing an affirming smile, he strolled towards the same stable where his wife stood.

It was dusk. Her perturb eyes observed the fields in front of her, but her mind was too consumed in him, her husband. She was accusing herself for being such troubled though she knew the reason, it was the fear of losing him, "patibabu."

The scar that frightened her, woke her up in mid nights, made her restless, feel futile, atlast the dreaded question that rised in her feeble heart about her place in his life, in her patibabu's life. At the age of twelve, she believed she loved him or she was made to believe such and was also asked to progress her relationship with him by persuading him. She was told rather convinced that he would love her like a wife, the one she was never entitled to. The hopes and wishes her naive heart held led her to hurt herself with his name on her hand, and what not...... She believed he would accept her, and love her the way a wife is to be loved and atlast pulled out all the stunts as told, yet failed, failed miserably. And she being also the reason for pushing him into bigamy, forcing him to act against his own principles was an unhidden fact.

Caressing his name with her thumb, pressed a soft kiss on it, "patibabu."

But now years after, it was still affecting her, infact more than the past. The thought of losing him means losing her world, her identity, her everything, including her.
Trying to pause her unpleasant thoughts, taking the shovel knelt down to dig the soil. She had always felt a strange connection with this soil of her land, for it had heard all her worries, pain, pain of separation from her sakha babu for six long years, and surprisingly the soiled earth had pleased her.
And as she began, at the corner of her eyes saw him walking towards her, her heart warned her of his presence. A  part of her wanted her to rush to him while the other part wished for her disappearance.
She had been losing factuality and at that moment she did not wish to hurt him with the words she never meant but was too afraid that it would come out without a filter. Though she never wanted one for it is him, her patibabu, the one who knew her more than herself. But still she feared.