ENDEARMENT (ON HOLD)

Perturbed Heart

Pain.. Affliction.
The thought of his beloved in pain and him not being by her side, the worst not even knowing of her agony was all enough for Anirudh's heart to shatter into pieces.

"Meri Bondita..."

Having heard enough of his Bondita's tumult, he showed his palm asking the duo Devi, Ayesha to stop.

With much effort being able to crash open the door, his steps halted as little fear overpowered his worry for her, with few more steps nearing her saw her changed herself into the night saree laying on the bed with eyes closed but something striked him making him aware of something known.

No soon his nose was successful in discerning it, it made his heart bleed as it was his perfume, his musk that filled her room. He was astonished to find her body reeking of it, of his musk perfume.

Carefully sitting beside her, his trembling fingers brushed her hair "Maaf kardho muje... Ho sake toh Maaf kardho apni Sakha babu ko..."

Remembering her hate her abhor for anklets, fire and blood and her reaction completely accepted and justified. His fingers rolled in tight fist, controlling.

His eyes dripping, "Mein khood ko toh maaf nahi kar saktha... kabhi nahi. Par tum ho sake tho maaf kardho."

He died thousands deaths inner, his hand reached for hers slowly rubbing it was trying to share the pain he is feeling for her
"Bondita, meri pyaari titli..."

He brought up her hand and made her slap him, slap him, slap him until she stirred in her sleep. As much as he want her to punish him, he din't want to disturb her sleep.

Stiffled, "Mein haar gaya hoon,
haar gaya hoon apna wadha todke.  Tumhare raksha nahi kar paya,
nayi hoon mein tera Rakshak
nahi hoon mein tera Rakshak."
He felt futile.

"Tumhare sakha babu har gaye, tumhe iss gandi duniya mein akele chodke haar gaya hoon.
Wahan ladikiyon auraton bahut logon ko bachathe bachathe, tumari raksha karne mein
Nakamyab ho gaya hoon, Bondita."

"Haar gaya tere sakha babu,
Haar gaya hoon mein."
His fresh tears sliding down his cheek fell on her forehead making her stir, it alerted him.

His hazy eyes gazed her,
"Bondita..." his voice in wane.
Trying to speak his heart, express his torment, make her trust about his existence repeated her name
"Bondita,
Bondita,
Bondita,
Bondita,
Bon... " words caught in his throat, when prisoned in her tight clasp, her hands around his torso as if gesturing him that his silent whispers of apologies have been answered.

"Sakha babu," soft murmur, the guilt erupting inside him stabbing his heart.

He couldn't stop himself from smiling, the sudden urge to protect her, to sheath her, to hide her safe in his arms, in his heart, in his world for her
made him kiss her forehead. Her hands around him tightened as if responding him.

The kiss on her forehead, it was a kiss of soothing, was a kiss of apols, was a kiss of forgiveness, was a kiss of healing atlast was a kiss of assurance. And it was successful, he was fortunate when he found herself lossening, the lines on her forehead vanish.

He knew he needed more energy, more courage to face her. Wiping his tears off, got up promptly to leave but only to be caught by her again.

He stopped and glanced her fingers that swirled his hand quiet firmly, smile caught his lips once again. His Bondita responsible for his smile even in such discomfort. "Bondita"

Releasing himself from her stern yet feeble fingers walked out glancing her eyeful.

It was mid night 02.45 am when he reached the station, gathering the left over energy boarded the train, the train to kolkatta in need of guidance, in need of solace to assure his Bondita back once again about him, about him being there for her.