So I'm sitting there watching my brothers fight tooth and nail over a candy bar missing from the fridge. I don't think my other brother needs the sugar anyway, but judging by the way Rod is continuing to choke Otetz, I'd believe he'd disagree. I should probably do something about it, but the straining is over. Rod is beyond pissed when he stands up before kicking his body and letting out a sigh of relief. " You would not believe how many times we've talked about...." He stared at me in what might've been surprise, but could've been regret If he was capable of that. I'm holding the candy out as I had been since the fight was just verbal. Unfortunately, there are only a few ways to shut this bastard up. Violence and being wrong are two of them, but when you put the two together though, you get this. " What did you just make m- I mean 'I'. What did I just do?"
" Killed Otey for the third time this week. Over a candy bar this time. " " I think I'm getting worse. " " No worse than average." Putting the candy in my pocket before dragging Rod by the feet towards the bedroom. " If you let me keep it, I won't say anything." Offering him a way out. He took it, of course. What is accountability in this house? " Thanks. " Was all he said. Sometimes I wonder how we'd get along if we died like everyone else. Kill your brother for a candy bar at the age of twenty five? That has a whole new story if you're part of our cult. Our lasting lives instead of sanity, what a trade, my brother. Rod will be fine soon and I have a candy bar, so the problem? Afterwards, here I am. Eating a candy bar, listening to Rodzina try sucking up to him because apologies don't really happen either. Offering to get take out or the car . He'd have to admit being wrong, and that he might be getting worse. Otetz has spoken of leaving, but it's nothing new. He falls in love with everyone and thinks he's just going to run off and live happily ever after. I'd feel bad for him if I could. I can't though and he gets in the way too much. He traded our fertility for the ability to see souls. He can't see his own though and can't tell how much he's ruining it before he dives into shit. He can tell when people are being cloaked though and he thinks that means I'm always doing something wrong. I'm just a private person. Besides, my trade was simple enough if you'd think about my prior circumstances. I don't feel anything anymore. I had traded the color of my eyes, the arrogant deity saying it was a good trade for a teenager. He didn't want my sanity, saying it was already flimsy. He didn't want my fertility, because he needs more idiots like us. He said I was too young to be selling such things anyway. Here I am though, twenty one and counting. Counting is about the only thing I can do anymore. Food,sex, drugs, all cool, but very little effect if any because happiness is also a commodity I'm lacking. This makes him suspicious of me though, and for that reason, we are better at a distance. While I continued to ponder about future trades, I heard the door slam." Oh dear, he's gone again.. " I mumbled mostly to myself. " Don't pretend it matters to you. " Rod commented before turning on the television for some new background noise. He used to say things like this all the time when I was still able. I remember what it was like to feel hurt by something like that, and yet now it's as meaningless as the voices from the television. "Why do I stay? " I asked myself again, somewhat wanting another comment from him and it worked of course. " Because you still can't afford to leave. I don't blame you for wanting to, but I'd rather you die before having to come back. " Ah yes, his version of sentiment. It sounds terrible out loud but I know he meant he wants me away from him. I remember he used to be so kind, but since that trade he's been cycling downhill ever since. An example being the woman on the TV. Considered missing. I looked over towards him, noticing how he was trying not to pay attention to the segment. He feels badly for his behavior, as he should, but can't seem to control it. I woke up this morning to get some toast but there was a fucking arm in the sink. He woke up just as surprised, borderline hysterical. I don't know why I haven't called him in. Maybe because I'm incapable of caring for the people he hurts or maybe somewhere in my head I know he's my brother and brothers protect each other. I've tried finding that line but everytime I nearly do, I can't be bothered with it. Just like today. " Hey Otetz, let's go on a walk."
