Surviving the Jungle

Bench Press

A week has gone by and the atmosphere is still tense. I still don't know who that dead man was. I had never seen him before and that worries me. There are so many people here and I don't trust any of them, apart from Blade.

Stallion doesn't stay with us anymore. Yesterday I saw him with Vix, looking our way. I feel like they're planning something. Blade is working out again, just like he does every morning. I've tried convincing him to teach me, but he still refuses. Every time I suggest he coaches me, he either ignores me, or pecks my lips before flat out saying "no". He doesn't even argue. I'll try one last time. If he refuses again, I'll drop it.

"Blade?

-I know what you're going to ask.

-Please! I swear I'll listen to your advice. And I'll be careful with the weights. And once i know how everything works I won't bother you again. If you teach me, I promise to give you my lunch in exchange."

Blade stops mid workout and laughs sarcastically.

"You can't just stop eating. You're skinny enough already. And if you need food to build muscle and become stronger."

I cross my arms over my chest and look at my feet in the grass. It rained yesterday, so I took my shoes off. The grass looks greener. It's not as dry and hot as usual. It even feels soft underneath the soles of my feet. 

Blade's comment somewhat triggers me. I know that I'm skinny, but I can't do anything about it. Women are given less food as men in the Jungle. Because we're always considered smaller and weaker. We don't need to eat as much. I've never been big anyway. To the point where my parents worried when I was younger. They thought it wasn't normal because I couldn't put any weight on. I've always had a naturally small frame. Even my chest is pretty small. But I don't want Blade to see me as weak and small, even if, to some extent, that's what I am.

"Please, Blade..."

He sighs and stands from the bench, waving me over. I put my shoes back on, join him eagerly and sit in his former spot. I wait for him to give me some instructions.

"Try to warm up first."

I imitate him as he moves his arms in circles, then his wrists, and finally his head. Then he moves to the side of the bench and removes a few disks. Leaving only one on each side. He looks my way then looks back at the disks, deciding to take those off as well. It's embarrassing that he thinks I can only lift as much as the bar. He's not wrong though.

"Lie down. Plant your feet in the ground. Grab the bar. It should be right on top on top of your face."

I follow his advice and grab the bar. I had forgotten how big it was. Blade moves behind me and moves my hands further apart. He looks intimidating from down here.

"Your grip isn't wide enough. Okay. Now you lift it but don't drop it to your chest too fast."

I listen carefully. I try to focus solely on the exercise at hand, but my mind keeps wandering off to Blade who's standing right behind me. His hands over over mine, afraid I'll drop the bar.

"Push back up. Don't push you elbows to your face."

I do it one more time before he helps me put the bar back on its stand.

"Nice. you just need to watch your elbows and wrists. Try again."

I do and he moves from behind me when he sees that I won't drop the bar on myself. It isn't that heavy, but I know that I would struggle if he added any weight to it. While I lower the bar, he places his hands on my back, adjusting my position.

"You should arch your back a bit more. it'll help you."

I put the bar back down and sit up, proud that I did everything exactly like he told me to. Blade pulls me to the dumbbells and tries to judge whether I can lift them or not. He decides to change the disks and hands them to me. It's only 3kg, but it feels so heavy. Blade picks up another pair of dumbbell and tries to show me the movement. I imitate his bicep curls, one arm at a time.

"Don't lift your shoulders like that. And don't swing your arms like that, you'll hurt yourself.

-But it's heavy.

-It's only 3kg, can't be any lighter."

My face reddens in shame. My arms are so weak. The following exercises are just as hard for me. It's a struggle but I don't want Blade to know. He's probably figured it out anyway, but I won't complain.

"Okay, next we move on to the legs."

Blade shows me how to warm up my legs, ankles and hips before showing me how to do all kind of squats and lunges, and other exercises I don't remember the name of. He explains to me how strength building works, and by the time we're done, I'm exhausted. I lie down on the cool grass and look at the far away sky. Blade sits next to me and laughs.

"You look rough.

-No I don't. It was fun.

-Didn't look fun while you were doing it."

I don't take offence in his comment. Instead, I'm surprise by his teasing mood. Most of the time, he's pretty serious. I like this lighter side of him.

Blade puts his hand on my jaw and smiles. I forget that we're surrounded by so many people as he kisses me. My eyes flutter close automatically as his other hand goes to my waist. I know we will never have any real intimacy, so maybe I should simply appreciate our time together, even if it's not only the two of us here. It's either here, or in the bathroom. 

He moves his hand from my jaw to my throat and I moan. His body is impossibly close to mine. I wonder if he has another blade hidden in his waistband. After disposing of the body last week, the guards took the weapon away from him. Killing another inmate is fine, but the guards can't risk getting hurt themselves. They still have to make sure we're not dangerous to them. I slowly dare put my hand on his waist and he chuckles. I can't feel any blade through his clothes, so I wrap my arms tighter around him. I love the feel of his rock hard body against my soft one. His scent engulfs me and I feel like I'm in a trance. It automatically becomes my favourite scent ever.

Blade climbs on top of me and my eyes remain closed as he kisses my neck. To onlookers, it must be weird. One day he's a ruthless killer, the next he's all soft and kissing me in the grass. But I don't care. I love it. He's on top of me and I feel safe, shielded from the rest of Zone 3. I open my eyes to see him looking at my face. I wish we weren't here. I wish we were free together. My eyes tear up and Blade leans his forehead against mine, watching me cry. He knows how I feel.

"I'm sorry, Purity. I wish you were free."