Perfect Rainstorm [SAMPLE ONLY] PUB ON https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09T74CHBG

Chapter Four

I'm sweating buckets with stress and nerves as I squeeze my way out the subway, being jostled from side to side by impatient commuters, all common courtesy gets thrown out of the window when people are making their daily commute to work. Today is the first meeting of the support group for recovering drug users that I have promised to attend as part of my condition of staying at the university and I'm absolutely dreading it. If I'm being honest with myself, I don't really think that I have a drug problem, I mean I dabbled a few times, well more than a few, ok a lot, mainly when I was drunk. Ric frequently encouraged me and stupidly, I wanted to please him, but I hardly think that constitutes a serious drug addiction or maybe I'm in denial as I'm sure many people would say. This whole trip would be perfect if it wasn't for this support group, but the Dean and Mrs. Rivers were adamant that this was a condition of attending this school year in New York and I can't argue with that. I check my map on my cell and make the short walk to the community center where they conduct the support group, this is obviously an up-market area, and it has a leafy suburban type feel to it. As I am approaching the entrance to the building the wind picks up and the sky darkens, the heavens open and I am caught amid a torrential downpour. I don't have an umbrella with me and in a matter of seconds I am soaked through as my hair is plastered to my face and dripping down my back. I am so annoyed that at my first meeting I have to turn up looking like a drowned rat, as if going to this support group isn't bad enough the whole day just got a lot worse. As I approach the entrance gate a large black limousine car comes screeching full speed around the corner spraying water from a huge puddle all over me. "Asshole", I shout indignantly, I'm thinking of some more expletives to renege on the car when I noticed a flock of motorbikes tailing the car with what looks like paparazzi holding their huge cameras, a cacophony of flashing lights. The car finally stops to let out the passengers and I can just make out a man and a woman pressed against the limousine car door kissing passionately not worried about the paparazzi frenzy they are causing. I can't make out their faces but from what I can see they are both ridiculously hot, like Calvin Klein model hot and I can't help but gawp at this image of perfection. Eventually the man pulls away from the kiss looking up and immediately catches me blatantly staring, he smirks at me winking, I quickly look away embarrassed, I'm sure I've seen him somewhere before though. He doesn't seem too bothered about the paparazzi capturing his moment of passion and he promptly pats his love interest on her booty and strolls off in the direction of the community center. The paparazzi want more though "Harlon, Harlon is this your new love interest, Harlon, Harlon have you got a drug problem?" "No comment", he throws back with a wolfish grin. His girlfriend, I presume, is still leaning against the car looking lovesick, her eyes follow Harlon as he walks away, she is possibly one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen although caked in make-up. She has the body of a supermodel, tall and lean but with ample breasts which I guess have had a bit of surgeon's help. She turns to catch me looking at her, "Hey what are you staring at?" she throws out spitefully. I ignore her turn around and walk toward the entrance of the center. Now I understand why I recognized him, it is the man of the moment Mr. Harlon Jacks the newly crowned rockstar. I have to say he is even more flawless in the flesh than in any magazine I've seen him in. His face is sculpted perfection, he has dark hair slightly long as befits any rockstar. And that kiss was probably the hottest thing I've ever seen, the image is on mental replay, my cheeks redden with the memory. "Hey, did you enjoy our kiss, you can join in next time if you like." I'm shocked to see that Harlon has somehow fallen into walking right next me. "No, I think I'll pass thanks." God what an arrogant jackass. He does this irritating thing where he laughs to himself as he enjoys toying with me. He carries on unperturbed by my frosty response. "I can see you got quite wet out there." "What, shut up, I'm not some kind of voyeuristic perv!" He looks confused for a second and then infuriatingly throws his head back laughing, "No, I mean with the rain, why what did you think I meant?" Argh this literally might be the most embarrassing moment of my life, did he just play me. I look at him at a loss for words and can't help staring at his full lips slightly swollen from the kiss and the small smattering of sexy stubble over his perfect jaw. Seriously I really need to get a grip. Unsurprisingly he oozes confidence and I'm sure he is getting twisted pleasure out of my discomfort as his salacious grin grows bigger granting me another view of his gorgeous dimples. Honestly this man couldn't be any more perfect plus he is a rock star, life just doesn't play fair sometimes. "You know you've got a bit of mascara under your eyes, must have run in the rain." He rubs his thumb gently on the spot where the smudge is. My senses are ignited by his touch, my skin buzzing with electricity, goosebumps popping up all over. I jump back as if his touch scorches me trying to maintain the distance between us. My body can't cope with the torrent of sensations he is sparking. I can sense his arrogance around women, he's used to them being putty in his hands, who wouldn't be if they looked like him. But I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him reel me in like one of his many playthings. As we continue to walk in the same direction it occurs to me that maybe he is here for the same reason as me. I can't decide if this pleases or horrifies me or not, I know Madison will be crazy with excitement if he is. "By any chance are you here for the support group?" I ask tentatively. "Guilty as charged, what you too?" I'm not sure if I imagine it but he looks excited by the prospect. We eventually arrive at the location of the group, Harlon opens the door and stands back to let me in, flashing again what he probably thinks is his best panty dropping smile and affects a little bow. I huff and stomp into the empty room, I'm hiding my embarrassment of our awkward first meeting with hostility. I don't know why but something about him just rubs me up the wrong way. We must be the first ones here, I try to do my best to ignore him by burying my head in my phone, he's unbothered by my obvious attempt to ignore him, "So why are you here then, been a naughty girl have you?" I huff in annoyance, "I'm here probably for the same reason as you." "I really doubt that." I am determined now not to already boost his what must be monstrous ego but I don't think my ambivalence will even make the slightest chink in his armor. It's obvious that he can usually have any woman he wants, well maybe not the Queen of England. Everything about him annoys me and I sigh with growing exasperation. "You know you sound kind of cute when you do that little huff thing you've got going on there," he teases. I can't help it, but I huff again and Harlon laughs lighting up that mesmerizing face of his. I can't resist smiling; his laughter is infectious, and it is hard not to be drawn to him. "Oh my god did the ice queen smile." He grabs his chest in mock surprise. I reward him with another smile, our eyes naturally meeting. For the life of me, I can't bring myself to look away and for an awkward few seconds, we just stare transfixed by each other, like prey frozen to the spot. The scraping of the door opening has us guiltily looking away quickly pushing our chairs back, as though we have been caught doing something wrong. I'm not sure what that little moment was, it literally just came out of nowhere. I shift in my seat uncomfortably unable to look in his direction thankful for the distraction. A few people file in led by a small older lady precariously balancing a coffee in one hand and about ten folders, papers spilling out all over. "Excuse me sorry I'm late, I was held up with an emergency," she flusters. Wow that moment was weird, I quickly glance at Harlon to gauge his reaction and he looks unfazed legs spread out before him, feet crossed. Something I'm sure of is that I have to keep away from this man, because he is that type who shatters hearts and never hangs around to pick up the pieces. The older lady seats herself down at the front of the room, I guess this is the counselor who will lead the sessions. "Hi guys, my name is Barbara Keller and I'll be running this discussion group." She peers over her glasses taking us all in. "We'll just get started in a minute when the others arrive, so just hang loose for a bit, ok," she waves her hand in the direction of us and starts rearranging the contents of her enormous handbag, pulling out folders and pens in preparation for the meeting. I'm sure Barbara must have been Mary Poppins in a previous life, there is something ethereal about her with her wispy greying brown hair pinned up in a haphazard bun, half-moon spectacles perched on her nose. Although she is obviously quite old, she looks as lively and spritely as a seventeen-year-old. I'm finding it hard to imagine what her experience with drugs is but look forward to finding out. I sneak a few furtive glances at the other newcomers to the group, the first of which is a girl about my age with long dyed black hair and every piercing imaginable in her face, she looks very hostile to the idea of this group and slumps herself down on one of the cheap plastic chairs arranged in a circle. She doesn't bother to acknowledge anyone and pulls out her phone fixing all her attention on it. Next in is an arty looking guy with long to the shoulder dirty blonde hair, he pushes his hands nervously through his hair. He looks between Harlon and me deciding where to sit but when his eyes land on Harlon he does a double take. "Hey, aren't you that dude from Trick Hazard?" Harlon's body stiffens, he doesn't look that thrilled to be recognized but just about manages to fake enthusiasm. "Yep, you got me" "Wow man I'm a big fan, actually I play in a band so maybe you could listen to some of my stuff some time?" Harlon picks at an imaginary spot on his hand and mumbles in not the most friendly way, "Well we are here for the support group but if you bring something in I guess I can listen," he grabs his phone and looks down at it, indicating that he wants this conversation ended and the new guy just shrugs his shoulders, rolls his eyes and plonks himself next to me leaning over to me and mumbling under his breath. "Oh, thanks for conversing with the little people man, really appreciate it." I smile at him politely not really wanting to get involved in any drama earning me a death stare from Harlon. I try to out stare him but probably look like a psycho thankfully, I am saved by the ping of a new text message lighting up his phone and his attention is diverted. I discover that the new guy is called Tony, we chat to each other and discover that we are into a lot of the same things especially our love for music, from the corner of my eye I can see Harlon yawning and looking bored, he probably thinks he is too good for us. "Hey, you should come and check out our band sometime, we're usually playing most nights." "Yeah, that would be awesome just let me know the place." "Ice queen I'm disappointed, what we've been here like five minutes and you're already accepting random hook ups from complete strangers." Harlon levels me with his condescending smirk and I open my mouth in disbelief, quietly seething inside. I open my mouth to fire off some expletives luckily Tony speaks up before I get a chance to unload my rage, "Shut up man, don't embarrass her, it's just coming to watch a band." I close my mouth gratefully thankful I didn't barrel into a full-on rage fest in the first session, especially in front of Barbara's watchful eye. Just one more woman arrives, a middle-aged lady, very smartly dressed and clutching her Chanel handbag as if it were a lifeline. Her eyes appear glassy, vacant and haunted, sunken into her drawn, pale and skeletal face. I'm guessing that this is all the new members of this group as all the chairs are now occupied. Just as the clock strikes the hour, Barbara attracts our attention with an excited little clap of her hands, she smooths down the stray wisps from her hair, theatrically breathes in the air around her. I think I hear the girl with the piercings mutter, "Get on with it already woman," if so, Barbara diplomatically ignores her. "Right, everyone, welcome to this new support group. I want to say how courageous you all are by taking this step in moving your life forward in such a positive way..," cue mega eye rolls from Harlon which prompts me to roll my eyes at him, it's like a Mexican wave of eye rolls in here. "It's never easy to admit to oneself that you have a problem and especially difficult to admit it to other people. There are all sorts of reasons people turn to drugs to deal with life's issues. People say that with addiction, it doesn't matter what it is, whether it be alcohol, drugs, food or gambling, there are certain people that are predisposed to falling victim to addictive behavior. However, usually those people haven't learnt the right methods to deal with life's complications and this is what I want for each of you here to learn better coping strategies in a supportive and caring environment. I want this environment to be free of harsh judgement so that people can feel trustful that when they share things that they won't face hostility." The afternoon sun filters through the blinds on the window casting striped shadows on the floor shading Barbara's face and my mind starts to wander back to a time in London. I'm at one of Ric's gigs, the memory a blur. People's faces are distorted as I down maybe the fifth tequila shot. Ric is laughing by my side, his arm poised on my lower back then he is leading me out to a room at the back and I see his hands chopping out white lines of powder and waving it in front of my nose. He shoves a rolled up £20 note in my hand and I waste no time bending over inhaling it all rubbing my nose and the memory of the high hits hard. I'm floating and it's as though someone is wrapping a warm blanket around me. All the colors and sounds are so vibrant, everyone looks beautiful and I feel at peace. Guilt washes over me as I remember how the amazing the high felt. What Barbara is saying starts to make sense, she mentioned coping mechanisms, it never occurred to me that I was using the drugs for security to mask the pain of losing my parents. This moment of clarity dampens the cynicism I feel towards this group, maybe it will be useful in helping me deal with stresses in my life. The sudden click of Barbara's pen as she poises it ready to take notes brings my focus back to the room, she is still talking so I tune back in hoping the I haven't missed anything too important. "Often people that have been through similar crisis are the best people to help each other, that is why I feel that healing as part of a group is much more effective than alone. For anyone that is worried about confidentially within the group please note that as part of the welcome pack that you signed you may remember that there was a confidentially agreement." "My manager would like a copy of that," Harlon interrupts. Once again, Tony rolls his eyes for my benefit which earns him another eyeball from Harlon. I'm honestly just enjoying the spectacle of their locked horns and I'm guessing they aren't going to be BFFs any time soon. Barbara gives a little love-struck gaze in Harlon's direction, and I mentally gag, honestly there is no one that doesn't worship this man, how it must be to live the life of Harlon Jacks, it can't be good for you having everyone fawning over you. Barbara's voice replies all girly and gushing, "Yes, Harlon dear, of course, I totally understand how confidentially must be so important for you in particular." This comment riles me enough to add, "Actually, Ms. Barbara, it's important to all of us, you don't need to be famous to appreciate confidentially." I give Harlon what I think to be my best superior look, but he just looks amused by the situation, crossing his legs and folding his arms in front of him, his face screaming, bring it on, which angers me more, he is such a jerk. He licks his lips, and my disloyal eyes linger once again on his full lips and I involuntarily lick mine, man I'm so screwed, you can see in his smug expression that he knows he has me hook line and sinker. "Yes dear, I do appreciate that, I can ensure everyone that confidentially is very important to us. Ok I just want to highlight some of the guidelines that we would like people to follow when they are attending this group. It is imperative that you abstain from any drugs that you have misused so that you can face up to these challenges without resorting to former coping strategies. If you cannot learn new strategies to deal with challenging issues then you are simply referring to former methods of drug use and then the support group would be pointless. Another important thing that may seem strange but is a situation that occurs frequently is that people will form close bonds with the other members of the group. This is something we encourage and promote and if you feel comfortable in doing so, we like to give you each other's email address so that you can be there as an extra support for each other if needs be. People tend to be more honest in emails, so this helps people to address any difficult situations they are facing without having to do it face to face. But also, I would like to add that although we encourage these friendly bonds with one another we strongly discourage any romantic involvement, as past history has shown us that starting new romantic relationships with other addicts in times of recovery is not productive and, in many cases, leads to relapses, the temptation to use again with each other may be greater. Of course, I am not saying that this is always the case but is just another piece of advice that we can give you that may help your recovery." Involuntarily my eyes are drawn to Harlon whose eyes also lock on to mine causing my face to blush crimson. I'm sure Harlon notices as he smirks even having the audacity to wink. Oh god I wish I was cooler in these situations, but I'm just a blushing mess and the annoying thing is that I desperately don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking that I have a sad desperate girl crush on him. I've seriously got to pull myself together otherwise this man is going to destroy my temporary newfound confidence. "Now that's enough of me blabbering on, I would like to start today's session by letting each of you introduce yourselves and tell us a little bit about what makes you who you are and if it's not too painful some insight to what brought you here today," Barbara points her pen at Toni, "Let's start with you dear if that's ok." Tony sits up straight in his chair and swallows nervously before clearing his throat. "Hey everyone, my name's Tony Rezek. I play bass guitar in a band for a living, well we just about scrape by." He runs his fingers through his long hair and glances around the room apprehensively, "I also paint but that's not paying any of my bills, but I love to do it. I've been taking drugs on an off since I was about 16, now I'm 24. I always thought it was recreational and it was under control, that's until recently I started to smoke heroin. I've never injected it, but I desperately want to stop before it gets to that stage and ...." Tony stops talking and looks pained, I want to give him a hug, I can't believe he has got to the stage where he is considering injecting heroin." Barbara encourages Tony to continue, probing gently, "Was there one event Tony that you can think of that led you to seek help?" Anguish is etched on Tony's face when he barely whispers, "Yes when I tried to take my own life as I couldn't bear the pain anymore." "And how did you try to take your life Tony if you don't mind me asking?" Barbara voice drops to almost a whisper. "By slashing my wrists and taking an overdose." Tony slumps his body down heavily into the chair with such force that the chair looks like it might buckle under the weight. He puts his head in his hand, his curtain of blond hair falling down over his arms. My heart is hurting for Tony, I gently pat his back and to my surprise he reaches for my hand clutching it tightly. "Thank you, Tony, for sharing," Barbara's voice breaks the stunned silence, "Thank you also for being honest. I know it is painful to look back but by sharing those feelings it will help you go to that dark place without having to use a substance to block out that pain. You've been very brave Tony and I don't want to push you on your first session, so let's move onto someone else now. Lucy Windsor, if you feel up to it, would you like to share a bit about yourself with us." Barbara's pen is now pointing in my direction and I'm not sure I'm ready to share. I look around the circle of people, I can see the Chanel handbag lady wringing her hands nervously, Tony still perched forwards in his chair with his head in his hands, Harlon is gazing at me expectantly, his face a closed but beautiful book. Goth girl is picking her nails trying to pretend she doesn't care masking fear with indifference. My voice quivers slightly as I begin to talk. "Um hi everyone, my name is Lucy Windsor, I'm from England as you can probably tell by my accent and I'm here in New York to do a placement as part of my college studies in Music. I love to play the guitar, that is the instrument that I specialize in, and I love to sing. I grew up in care so no family to speak of. Umm I only really started taking drugs recently mainly cocaine, mdma and weed, I guess that sums me up for now." I stutter out nervously a little lost for words. Barbara nods and smiles encouragingly at me. "So, Lucy what made you realize you had a problem with drugs, if there was one defining moment for you when you thought you needed help?" "Well, that's the problem I guess, that I didn't think I did needed help, I thought I was fine, but I was arrested with my boyfriend for possession of drugs and that was the catalyst for seeking help, although can I just add that my so-called boyfriend tried to pin everything on me, even though he was the one dealing and thankfully the police didn't believe him." "Was it your choice to come to this group Lucy?" Barbara asks. "No, I'm ashamed to say it wasn't, it was my college mentor, it was actually a condition of coming here." Speaking my truth out loud is overwhelming. I can't help it when a few tears escape, I feel like a baby as I hate to show weakness. I peer at Harlon to see his reaction and I'm surprised to see empathy on his face, the first indication that maybe he is human after all. Reality comes crashing down as I'm telling my story that contrary to my belief, I did have a problem and when it is spelled out in black and white, I was in a bad place, and I did need help. I know Ric was a lousy boyfriend but ultimately, I can only blame myself for the poor decisions I made. "Thank you, Lucy, for sharing and also for being brave, it's hard to admit things to ourselves let alone to a room of strangers and I appreciate your honesty." Her eyes scan the room landing on Harlon, "ok next Harlon could you please tell us a little bit about yourself". Harlon nods his head and rubs his hands in front of his eyes as if he wants everything before him to disappear. He doesn't look nervous when his voice finally breaks the silence. "Well, my name is Harlon Jacks, I'm in a band, I guess taking drugs goes with the territory, but I don't want to be that cliché. I was taking drugs before I made it in the band, mainly cocaine, it started when my Mom died of a drug overdose, when I was twelve. You would think that would put most people off drugs but sadly for me it was a catalyst for self-destruction. I can't understand why that happened, I guess I wanted to feel closer to my mom. I miss her like crazy and so many people think she was a bad Mom because she left me that way, but she had stuff going on in her life that nobody knew about, and she couldn't deal with it." Harlon's eyes look forlorn, and I can see the young vulnerable boy that was hurt badly and the man that is still struggling and I realize that not everyone's life is as perfect as you think. I'm surprised by his admission, and I see him in a different light now, that maybe all the arrogance is a shield he armors himself with. Then as if someone flicks a switch, the mask is back on and the arrogant and sexy Harlon reemerges, "Can I ask a question Lucy if your surname is Windsor, does that mean you're related to the Queen, like are you a Princess or something?" I scowl crossing my arms and sigh, "Such a disappointing question, I hardly think that is a relevant and what do you think, yes of course I'm related to the queen, that's why I'm here in this support group meeting in New York." Barbara titters nervously at this new development and Harlon just keeps grinning away, "Whatever you say Princess, I've always wanted to meet a royal." "Actually Harlon, it's called sarcasm, maybe you could look it up in the dictionary." "Ouch why so harsh to the common people Princess!" He clutches his heart in mock despair grinning wickedly leading the rest of the group to fall about laughing. I would really like to wipe that smirk off his face and the worst part is I would like to do it with my lips, it's beginning to annoy me how my body keeps betraying my mind. Thank god he can't read my thoughts, although you would think that he could with that self-satisfied smirk on his face. Not wanting the meeting to descend into chaos, Barbara quickly diverts everyone's attention. "Right folks let's break now for a coffee and we can continue this fascinating discussion when we return." I offer up a silent prayer in gratitude for a break in this tension between Harlon and me and race out of the room in desperate need of a caffeine fix and for a bit of distance to Harlon. I can't stand the ongoing battle in my head from wanting to rip his clothes off to wanting to throttle him. I never imagined in a million years that support group was going to be this intense and it's only just begun, oh my word......

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