Saudade

6

I'm thinking of ending things...

Nothing new. We all do. It is the ultimate source and aim of life, or so says some self absorbed psychoanalytic theorist.

But, yes.

If I choose to end this someday, do not stand and think what would have prevented it. You knew it all along because

I TOLD YOU.

But you just didn't take me seriously.

People never do because you are defined by their experience. Nothing new. But I did tell you.

I TOLD YOU ALL.

But
you
never
listened.

"Successful" people and their first world problems, am I right?

Death, then, becomes a statistic. A trace. It doesn't matter. Not that I'm dead, maybe that will matter for rituals, heirship, company, getting work done... whatever it is that you my mortal existence served you for, rightfully so. Interestingly, what won't matter is that you killed me. And many others.

So yes, congratulations on your (assumably) first murder.

But you'll never realise this. You won't. Your blindfold prevents you from seeing the hurt and pain you cause.

Ironic,huh? Who knows who I killed?

But if I have, I have paid its price in insufferable life. And to peaceful death, if I do retreat, do not stand wondering what you could have done. You didn't when you could. You won't when you can.

So simply humour me as you haunt yourself in misery.

My words, my voice, my work, my face, my smile, my laugh, my eyes, my tears, my anger, my stupidity. Act like it mattered.

I'm thinking of ending things...

I'm thinking of ending.

I'm thinking? Of?

I am?