Saudade

5

It's strange the things love makes you do. Sometimes, when you look back, you seem to be fearfully surprised of the things you selflessly have endured and done to see someone in peace..... All while tormenting your own peace. The worst of the lot? Unrequited love.

You never see it coming, do you? People you have no intention of falling for somehow, effortlessly, sweep you off your feet. But then, it hits you. It's not them; it's you.

You always know it. You know it won't work out. But every single thing they do, the care, the words, the seeming acts of love, the careless perfection they embody.... You fall over and over again. Over and over again, knowing well that it isn't meant to be.

But what if it does?

Hope is the biggest killer. Never proven guilty but always, it always has been hope that pushes you towards nothingness.

In those hopes, if love succeeds, often the result is regrettable. You realise why it won't work out. In your exceeding love, you realise how much it would bother and trouble your loved one. To think of being loved inspite of their wishes not to be.... Paradoxical toxicity indeed. In that arises the most lethal poison : unconditional love.

You give and give.... and still give. To see them smile, to see them sleep an extra hour, to see them succeed... You'd give anything; even that broken, dysfunctional heart of yours. All in the name of hope that feeds you till memory erases your undying love.