Saudade

4

I am surrounded by the people I love. People I care about genuinely. I walk through the empty fair with a mere handful of these souls,uncorrupted and untarnished by the requirements of the present. But amongst them stands one pair of eyes which has magnetically glued my vision onto itself. The paths those eyes traversed, my eyes lingered behind. Those globes of molten gold wandered its periphery, little did they know that they were her world.

I can feel my chest constricting. My breaths shorten... 20 years of inhalation should have made it child's play for me. But this time, it felt as though wet bags of sand were thrusted upon my lungs... Every breath so difficult and strained.

My hand searches for its forlorn half. Like broken glass, they do touch but never unite like it originally was. The cracks are visible even when the pieces are joined together... A thunder of rift on a peaceful night sky.

In his warm honey vision, I only saw ice cold indifference. In the pain of dilemma, all I could muster was a robotic smile... My lips stretched like an overtly tight elastic band. Uncomfortable and useless.

The rift deepens and the clouds share my grief. The burden of pain tires the skies to pour its rain-filled worries onto the earth. And in that, my heart finds a void. A void of such magnanimous pull that once I fell, there was no returning from that abyss. Yet I remain on its borders, to plummet into nothingness or to survive in loneliness..... What would be more blissful in a life as certain as death....