Abstract Attraction [Re-written]

AA29 - Confused

Iniwan niya ako sa rooftop nang umiiyak. That hit me, it was love all along? Am I that too numb?

'Di ko na yata mapapatawad ang sarili ko sa ginawa ko at sinabi ko kay Jail. Iniisip ko ang sarili ko sa katauhan ni Jail, pa'no kung yung taong mahal ko sabihan ako nang ganun? Masakit. But truth really hurts! Wait.. why am I hurt too?

I went down at nag-CR. Hindi na ako pumasok ng room ulit. Nagtext ako kay Shanella na puntahan ako sa CR dahil wala naman siyang klase ngayon.

Nang makarating si Shanella ay niyakap ko agad siya ng mahigpit. I cried all my thoughts on her. She's the only person I know who can teach me a lesson.

"Sa clinic ka na muna. You're tired... I'll go to your teacher para sabihin nandito ka sa clinic. I'll be back okay?" Sabi ni Shanella before leaving me at the clinic.

I wiped my tears as I realized what I did. 

After a few minutes, Shanella went back with some food with her.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko and asked me, "What happened?"

"I don't get it. Ang sama sama ko sigurong tao. Jail is hurt because of me."

Tahimik na nakatingin lang sa akin si Shanella. "You love him."

My lips parted from what she stated. "What? You've got to be kidding me! Just because I hurt him, I love him?"

"No.. You love him. Ako ang lagi mo kasama Jaile. I know your eyes. I know the meaning of those stares. Takot ka lang siguro sa commitment."

I laughed at her. 

"Sabi mo hindi mo gusto si Nik. Pero kapag si Jail na ang tinatanong ko sa'yo, you always say 'Jail is a nice guy.' You don't put him down."

Kinuha ko ang biscuit na dala ni Shanella at kinain. Hindi ako umimik sa huling sinabi ni Shanella. "C'mon girl! Tama na ang pagiging denial. If you love him, go! Take a risk. Besides, mutual naman kayo ng feelings hindi ba?"

"What if... I'm just infatuated? What if.. sabihin niya naawa lang ako sa kaniya?"

"Stop those what ifs, Jaile. You are old enough to enter a relationship. Pero okay fine, give yourself some time to figure out your feelings. I know you can handle this without my help."

Shanella smiled at me. 

I sighed. She's right. She's always right. She like my third eye. Sees what I cannot see.

Nang magbell na ay umalis na kami ni Shanella sa clinic. Pagkalabas namin ay saktong dumaan si Jail dala-dala ang kaniyang sapatos. 

Kumunot ang noo ni Jail ng makita ako. Lumapit siya sa akin at  walang paalam na iniharap ako ni Jail sa kaniya, hinawakan niya chin ko at tiningnan ako.

"Did you cry?" tanong niya.

I removed his hand on my chin. "I'm fine." seryosong nakatingin lang sa akin si Jail. My heart is beating so fast right now! 

"Jail! Go to the gym now!" Napalingon si Jail sa tumawag sa kaniya, kung ako rin ay napalingon dahil pareho kami ng pronunciation ni Jail.

Jail just nodded and I guess that was his coach.. 

"Ihahatid na kita sa bahay n'yo." He insisted.

"No no no.. I am fine. Kasama ko naman si Shanella. You go to your practice.. Kailangan mo 'yun."

"You need me more. You are not fine. Hell I care for that practice if I don't get you home safe." Inakbayan niya ako. "Shanella, thank you for taking care of my girl. We're leaving." 

Ngumiti si Shanella. "No probs! Ingatan mo ha! Masakit ang puso niyan! I mean.. mata." Shanella giggled. 

Pinanlakihan ko ng mata si Shanella sa sinabi niya. Jail chuckled and held me to the parking lot. Hindi na ako nakapagprotesta pa dahil kumikirot na din sa sakit ang ulo ko.

Pinagbuksan ako ni Jail ng pintuan ng kaniyang sasakyan. I went inside and sat on his shotgun seat. "Thanks." as he closes the door and went to his seat.

Nagsimula ng umandar ang kaniyang sasakyan at nabingi ako sa sobrang tahimik ng paligid sa kotse.

"Uh.."

"Jaile.."

We both speak at the same time. 

"You first." He said to me.

Okay fine. "I'm sorry for what I've said earlier.."

"I know.. I am sorry too, Jaile. I was just hurt.. Sinampal mo ako sa katotohanan na wala naman tayo. "

I didn't speak. Ayoko magbitiw ng salita. 

Tinigil ni Jail sa isang amusement park ang kotse. "Jaile, speak up." He said.

I looked at my tiny fingers as I play them. "I really don't know.. I don't want you hurt, Jaile. At saka, bata pa tayo. We have a long way ahead of us. Ayoko mawala ka.." ngumiti ako. ".. bilang kaibigan ko. Mabuti ka at yung mabuting taong 'yun. Iingatan ko."

Nakikita kong namumuo na ang luha sa mata ni Jail habang tinitingnan ko siya. My heart is hurting.. 

He hugged me so tight. "You won't lose me, Jaile. I still love you, little dimwit even though you keep on pushing me away. You are so hard to forget." I smiled and hugged him back. "Baby please don't mind what I've said earlier and please don't cry when you're not on my side. I don't want you to cry because of me okay? It breaks me. Don't you ever do that again."

I just simple nodded. No words. Just actions. 

"If I will write into a paper how much I love you, there will be no trees left." Jail whispered in my ears.

Damn! I think I should stop being so indenial.. Maybe she I should give him the chance. Let's take the risk Jail but not now.. Not right now.. I wonder how lucky I am to be loved by a campus bad boy who turns out to be that he has sweet side like this.