Titanium Promises

Thirty

Luke sits on the balcony railing with me. I don't know how we got here, but I enjoy the breeze that washes over me. The sun rising up on the horizon bathes me in a warm glow, and having Luke beside me helps, too.

"I'll miss this," I say.

Luke looks at me. His eyes are...different. They seem more gray than blue.

I narrow my eyes.

Do they look any different? Now I can't remember what they look like. Even after all those times I spent with him, he seems to be fading away.

A crushing feeling settles into my stomach.

"You're leaving," I say, and not as a question.

"Am I?" he says, blinking. His eyes flicker to an ice blue and back to gray, like he's glitching. "Or are you?"

I hug myself, looking away from him. The enjoyment I felt moments ago has faded into dread. Something's wrong. Something about this place isn't right, but... I don't know if I have the will to care about it. I would be fine with getting swept away into the unknown and being taken away from this pain.

"I don't know anymore," I say. "I want to stay, but there's nothing for me anymore. I can't stay if you won't stay with me."

He looks out at the view and the rising sun. His face comes in and out of focus, and I blink to center myself.

"How many times have I had to talk to you about this, Reid?" he says, not unkindly. "If I ever left you, it wasn't because I wanted to. I will never want to leave you. Please tell me you know that."

I sigh out a breath, chills rippling across my arms as the sun rises higher in the sky. It greets me with a strangely nostalgic feeling, but it feels... hollow. Like I want the feeling to wrap itself around me, but I know I shouldn't allow it.

"I know," I say. But that's not true. I don't know.

"What am I doing here?" I mutter.

Luke looks at me. I look back at him.

"You're going to live," he says, slowly. "Without me."

I shake my head, realizing the feeling of warmth is continuing to spread across my body as the feeling of Luke is continuing to fade. What would happen if he faded completely?

"No," I spit. Luke's outline snaps into place. "I don't want that," I say, meeting his eyes. They're back to ice blue. "You don't know what that will do to me."

"Please." His voice tickles at my ear and sends pin pricks dancing up my arms.

"But..." I start, stopping when I realize there's nothing else for me to say.

I have to keep living, don't I? All my life I've been asking myself that question, and I've always struggled to answer it. It used to feel like there was no reason to keep going if in the end there would be nothing.

Luke's hand raises and cups the side of my face. His fingers linger, his thumb brushing my cheek. The warmth of his skin replaces the feelings that had started to pull me away.

I'm not alone anymore.

"We didn't have enough time," Luke says, his blue eyes glistening from brewing tears. "I'm sorry." His voice breaks.

"Don't apologize," I whisper, cradling his hand against my face. "You've never needed to apologize. It was always my fault."

He shakes his head. "No. It was never your fault." Suddenly his voice grows louder, like it's spoken by an outspoken force. "Don't give up on us."