Always You | Tyler Joseph

Chapter Six

"Lover, I know you're weary."

July 2017

Lennon washed the last of the dishes as Tyler sat silently at the kitchen table. Neither of them knew what to do next - what move to make; what to say. Lennon didn't expect to get this far, and she certainly hadn't planned for what would come after.

There was a river of uncertainty flowing between them. Too much was still left unspoken.

Tyler was the first to speak up.

"How have you been?"

How had she been? She didn't know how to answer that question. She'd been horrible, restless, exhausted, anxious, regretful.

"I've been fine."

She lied.

"No you haven't."

He noticed.

Lennon could feel her walls of defense building back up as she told him, "we are not doing this. Not now."

"So you get to come here and pry into my life but I can't ask how you've been?" He was angry now. "Don't you think that's a bit hypocritical?"

"Do not talk to me about being hypocritical," she warned him.

"You're the one who showed up here and started this whole thing, so forgive me if I'm curious about your life," he bit back, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up.

"You're the one who decided to shut everybody out and worry us all sick, causing me to come back here in the first place," she argued.

"You saw I was fine. You could've fucking left already," he growled, getting up from his chair.

"You're not fine, though, are you? You're a goddamn mess," she yelled, fingernails digging painfully into the palm of her hand as she clenched her fists.

"So the fuck are you!"

Tyler and Lennon stood glaring at each other, a silent standoff between the two of them. Lennon was the first to break the stare, lowering her eyes to the ground. She was always the first to back down. She had never learned how to stand her ground when it came to him.

"I should, um...I should go," Lennon whispered, trying to hold back tears as she gathered her things. "I'll fly back to LA tonight."

"Lennon, wait," Tyler protested, softening his voice. "It's getting late. You can get a flight out tomorrow."

"I don't feel like getting a hotel," she said, feeling a pang in her heart at the reminder that she no longer had a home here.

"You can stay here," Tyler offered.

Lennon immediately shook her head, denying the offer. "No, I can't. I'll just sleep at the airport, it's not a big deal-"

"You're staying here," he stated, interrupting her. "It's just one night."

It was late and she was exhausted from the day. She knew that going to the airport would entail running into fans or potential paparazzi, and she was not emotionally prepared to deal with that. She had managed to catch a private flight into the city, but she had stupidly not prepared any arrangements to get back.

Lennon's shoulders slumped in defeat and she sighed. "It's just one night."

She retrieved her bags from her rental car, and stepped into the guest bathroom to change and collect herself. Looking in the mirror, she noticed how puffy her eyes were from all of the crying she had done that day. She splashed some cold water onto her face, hoping to get rid of the red splotchiness that decorated her nose and cheeks.

It's only for the night, she told herself. Then you can go home and go back to your normal life.

She laughed at her internal dialogue, mocking her own mind. Her life was anything but normal, and she still felt uncertain in calling the place she'd lived for the past ten years home. This was her home and the reason why, whether she was willing to admit it or not, was currently just a few rooms away.

When she walked back into the living room, Tyler was setting up a place to sleep on the couch.

"I can sleep out here," he told her. "You can take the bed."

"Tyler, this is your house. You can sleep in your bed, I don't mind sleeping on the couch," she responded.

In reality she didn't think she could handle sleeping in his bed, surrounded by his scent. She was barely holding on to what little bearings she had left, and she knew that would be the thing to do her in.

"Okay," he said. "If you need anything, just let me know..."

Lennon nodded, awkwardly, and Tyler slowly turned and retreated to his bedroom. She turned the lights off, all except for a small lamp in the corner, and adjusted herself onto the couch. She pulled the blanket snugly over her, hearing only the sound of her rapid heartbeat drumming in her ears. Even in separate rooms, she could not shake the feeling of Tyler's presence.

She didn't know how long she laid there, trying to fall asleep. Her restlessness wouldn't allow her to relax; not while Tyler was just a room away. She resorted to counting backwards from one-hundred, timing her breathing with each number. She slowly felt her body grow heavier, giving into the exhaustion it had been fighting. She had almost reached one when the cracking sound of thunder boomed overhead.

She immediately shot up, clutching the blanket around her in fear. Rain began to beat down harshly against the roof, adding to the anxiety that was stirring inside of her. The wind blew, making branches tap continuously against the windows - like a taunting knock.

Lennon was terrified of thunderstorms.

She had thought she would eventually grow out of this fear, but time never gave her the courage she hoped it would.

Lennon didn't like things that she couldn't control. When a storm hits, everything is left up to chance. Lightning strikes ignite fires, branches fall on cars, trees fall on houses, wind has the capability of destroying anything in its path. Storms were loud and impossible to ignore, so she was forced to think about all of the things that could go wrong. She was forced to think about all of the danger she could be in.

Calm yourself down, Lennon, she thought to herself. It's just a storm, it'll pass.

Another crack of thunder caused her to wrap her arms tightly around herself, trying to steady her trembling.

It could be worse, she thought. At least the lights are still on.

As if the storm read her mind, Lennon soon heard the sound of a power surge and she was immediately surrounded by darkness.

Fuck.