Always You | Tyler Joseph

Chapter Eight

"Eyes are tired from the night."

July 2017

Lennon squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hide from the darkness that was swallowing her.

The only light came from the occasional flash of lightning, which only served to remind her of the storm roaring on outside.

She could feel her breathing becoming shallow, and her heartbeat began accelerating.

Now is not the fucking time for a panic attack, she thought.

Not here, not here, not here, please not here.

A yelp escaped Lennon's mouth as she felt a hand touching her shoulder.

She opened her eyes to see Tyler's silhouette standing in front of her. He slowly knelt down, looking at her with concern.

For a brief moment, she was calmed.

Then, she remembered that he was no longer her protector.

"No, I'm okay," she protested, before he could say anything. "Go back to bed, I'm fine."

"No, you aren't," he said, softly.

His voice held no condescension or hostility, like it had earlier. Instead, it was gentle. It reminded her of the way things used to be, when she thought he'd be by her side forever. She hated how much she still needed him. She hated him seeing her so vulnerable.

Lennon couldn't stop the quivering of her bottom lip as a few stray tears fell down her cheeks.

Tyler looked at the woman in front of him and saw the same scared girl that used to believe he could fix everything. A pang of guilt stabbed him in the stomach as he watched the relief leave her eyes and turn to apprehension. He wasn't her safe haven anymore. He wasn't someone she knew she could trust, and that broke him.

He fought silently with himself, wanting to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay - but he couldn't. He had to keep his distance. He had to refrain from crossing any lines. He needed to let her handle this on her own.

He had made up his mind to respect her wishes and go back to bed; but then he thought about all of the storms she'd had to suffer through alone because he wasn't there. He promised her that he would always be there, and he fucking wasn't. He'd left her, scared and abandoned, to fend for herself for so many years. He'd pushed the thought of that to the back of his mind for so long, but now she was here in front of him and he couldn't escape the way that he had let her down.

Wordlessly, he moved to sit beside her on the couch and pulled her into him.

Immediately, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. Guttural sobs shook through her body as the familiarity flooded back into her.

He was holding her.

He was protecting her.

He rubbed soothing circles on her back as she cried, fighting hard to keep his defense up. She was invading his senses, and it took all he had not to crumble into her.