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dear keiji,
the last time you were at my house was a while ago. it was a month back, i think, because it was your mother's birthday.
i remember that things hadnt been that smooth between us at first that day. id been very suspicious as to why, but you shrugged it off saying that it was just too much volleyball practice.
maybe im way too easy to lie to, or maybe you'd grown used to the way i am, but either way, i had chided you and told you to take it easy.
why am I ranting on and on about a day you probably barely remember?
because that was the last day you talked to me properly, i think.
we'd been excused to my room and you were just telling me about the amount of phone calls you had to deal with that day – all from aunts and cousins you had barely met, wishing your mother a happy birthday – when you suddenly fell quiet.
i think i was laughing when you did. i don't know, I'm struggling to remember – as you know, i dont have the best memory, haha.
when i noticed that you had fallen quiet, i asked you what was wrong. you seemed to snap out of thought and you shaked your head. i should have noticed that something was wrong, right?
but i didnt. i really hate myself for that.
you continued talking about your day, and i laughed at some points. soon, you started laughing with me.
gods, your laugh.
it's so beautiful, keiji - you hide your face when you do it, and its so soft. whenever you did it, id listen so carefully, because i was afraid to miss it.
do you know how much i love you, keiji? you often talked of things about you that you disliked. i never said it, i was too scared, but id grow more frustrated by the second, and i had to stop myself from kissing you and listing why i loved you.
i wish i loved myself half as much as i love each and every part of you.
your laugh enchants me. you could mock me and laugh at me and id be starstruck at every word and syllable.
what wouldn't i do to hear you laugh with me again?
im sorry. will you please talk to me?
i realise i should get to the point faster in these. make them a little neater? but this is a way to let out my feelings, right? right.
