Rocketship

Chapter Twelve: lovefool

Nikki's POV:

I scribbled nonsense onto my note pad and immediately slashed out what I had written.

Fuck.

The new Mötley album was officially a go with Vince on board, which meant it was time to start writing music.

The only problem was I couldn't for the life of me turn out anything that wasn't complete shit.

I had been cooped up in my home studio all day trying to come up with something remotely decent and wound up with a big pile of nothing. My inspiration felt sucked dry.

It had been seven years since Dr. Feelgood — seven years since being on top of the music charts, and the pressure was starting to get to me.

We were playing in a new arena, up against grunge and alternative rock, and we had to adapt  — I just wasn't sure how. I felt more and more like a washed-up, has-been as the days went on.

It's important to know when to leave the party. Maybe Mötley Crüe should have quit while we were ahead — went out with a bang instead of dragging out a slow painful death, I wondered.

I gotta find myself, I jotted down, then slashed it out again. I pretended to bash my head into the desk, but stopped myself when I heard a knock at the door.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "come in."

Marci opened the door and stepped into my office. She wore a sweet timid smile on her lips while her hands fiddled with the hem of her short plaid skirt.

I looked up from my notepad and gave her a pathetic tight lipped smile in return. As much as I was annoyed, seeing her was like a breath of fresh air.

God, now where do I begin with Marci? She'd been on my mind nonstop since the kitchen incident that went down a few weeks ago, and I had been trying to convince myself that I only saw her as a friend. A friend that I now realized I deeply cared about, but a friend nonetheless.

"Got anything good?" she asked.

I scoffed, "nope."

She walked over to my desk, then leaned up against it. I found myself staring at her skirt hem again, and quickly looked away. Knock it off, I scolded myself.

While I had become more on edge around Marci over the last few weeks, Marci seemed a lot more relaxed around me. The irony. I knew developing feelings for her would jeopardize everything between us, and I just couldn't mess up what we had going — she was a constant in my life, one of the few. Despite her only being in my life for several months, I couldn't picture my life without her in it.

We shared a moment, sure, but that was it. And even if I may have developed some kind of crush on her (not saying that I had), she was 100% off limits because 1) she was working for me, 2) she had a boyfriend, 3) she was sweet, and well, I was me, and 4) no way was I explaining to the media that I'm dating my kids' nanny.

"I'm going to run to the grocery store really quick. I promised I'd help Gunner make cookies for his school's bake sale when he gets home today, and we don't have any ingredients."

Shit, I was supposed to buy ingredients for that stupid bake sale.

"You could always just buy cookies from the store," I suggested.

"You know I can't send Gunner to school with store bought cookies. The PTA moms would have a field day." She almost shuddered when she said PTA moms.

Ever since Marci dispelled the little rumor about us sleeping together, Meredith threw herself at me every time I dropped Gunner off at school. We should arrange a play date for the kids... and maybe us, she would suggest. No thank you. If she thought I was husband number 4 material, she was delusional.