Disturbing Thoughts

Bad Dreams

Some days and nights when I was so full of questions that I wanted some answers but do not have access to books or did not have the time to go to the nearest library, I read and typed some words and phrases on the Web.

I came across topics that I thought I am interested in and I saw pictures of people with different names but with the same aura or souls. I do not know just how to describe it. Maybe I do not know the term for it.

I clicked some pictures and saw people from different countries and different eras which actually look the same. I can not seem to understand why.

Maybe I am just focused on the looks or maybe pictures are edited or fabricated because they were not able to capture anything that time when events happened or when those people were still alive and it is understandable maybe. I can understand that.

Again, I want to read more.

I watched simplified videos and explanations maybe credible or not so much, I am not sure but at least I have listened to the versions or ideas passed on by people from generations to generations.

We do not exactly know things. At least some of us think they do.

There were nights while I was busy thinking about what to search for, I usually fall asleep.

Frequently this happens.

I do not really know what happens after I closed my eyes and before I open my sight. What really happens in between?

Maybe my mind is just making things up.

One time, I was in a place, a magical place. Not really the good magic you would imagine. The place was dark.

Then I saw myself trembling on bed with the thought of being ran over by a train.

I saw my self also working in the unit where I worked a year ago. I had the dream a few months before I started working there. In my dream, I did exactly what I did that day, it was not routine but a familiar set of activities and I thought I saw my time ran out.

But it did not happen. What occured was I was standing in front of the computer after I talked to a patient and someone came to me with an angry face, a shadow, somewhat an imagination or a passing thought and he did a quick horizontal cut on my throat, twice. First time, I did not fall down, the second time, I was still up but I felt confused.

I sat down and was confused about who he was and why he did it. But I continued on with my work as if nothing happened which was actually true, nothing did happen. It was just my imagination.

These happenings are not really related to my interest to learn more. As I mentioned, while I was reading, I thought about things and I fell asleep because of exhaustion and dreamt bad dreams.

The next few times, as I search the Web for pictures which are maybe interesting, I can not help but think about what happened to me.

One night, after I had a bad night, after all of the amusement I did to myself just to waste time, I took a nap on my bed. I dreamt a bad dream. Some women with familiar voices came in and I felt like I was stab for how many times.

Then I woke up and transferred my mattress on the floor and did not remember what happened next.

The next few days I had body aches. I felt like I was bludgeoned. Something hit my head.

On that day, I was not able to stand but I still chose to go out because it has been how many days since I had a decent meal.

I bought something to cook and cooked it for my self because I was living alone in the room that time.

After a few months I decided to move out.

I did not go back to that side for a span of time but I got invited by coworkers in the new company I worked in to eat with them in a restaurant there that side, I still went. I went there to meet them.