11:20 july 7th
'have you ever smoked weed?' jasper
'nah bro my dad would kill me'
'u uptight my guy, but i get it, my pa is tripping over my shit but i thought your dad would be cool'
'shit he could care less about anybody but me, but hey protection can feel like shit sometimes'
'i know what you saying bout protection. it don't feel right'
his voice cracked,
'it don't feel as good, right?'
jas smirked.
'yeah. i mean- wait hell na'
i realised his dirty speech and he laughed.
'what you on jas?? you ain't gotta trip i know you ain't been in no pussy. except your fucking uncle's.'
he appeared as offended as me,
'woah that's too far man, your fucking mental'
i had been talking to jas for the past 20 minutes of break, skipping my daily ritual of sitting upstairs in the stuffy commons.
it was great to hear the buzz outside,
conversating over dumb shit.
his bro xavier caught up with us, gathering with isaac and tyson; who was mutual.
'why you hanging round with her-' spoke tyson before being interrupted by xavier
'are you new?' he questioned
'yeah she's been here for a week or two but she never talked to us before' jas answered before i had the chance
'ahh i've seen you around, you got the hair' issac eased
'damn, my hair ain't that bad' i joked.
i hung around the group for the rest of the week, attended 2/3 of my detentions, rewarded 2 more and had my high slowly ride out.
i'm glad it was warm in slow sun.
9:14, july 9th
i woke up to the sun screaming through my half covered window,
i rose like the sting in my eye,
waking from my floating position
tripping down the hall to grab some piss coloured juice and some freshly cut guava and melons that the flies hadn't bit at first.
it was a suana in the town but it felt great having my own sheltered cool tropical shower that rained beads of clear pearls, glazing my body, protesting the sweating pores on my naked back. my hair was dancing under the short cloud head, throwing back at the water like it's playing a fucking game of ball. it's sure nice when the humidity is fighting against your poor porosity rising the water bill like we're made of damn paper, it reminds you of the season.
directly opposite the wall of the shower i could clearly hear an uncle or auntie's boombox playing masayoshi in current rings, floating towards the brazilian sky.
the commotion of the fizzy static was a perfect distraction to humble.
i stepped out of the showers basin, holding my hair back as i dried my body with a useless towel compared to the heat in the air that worked perfectly instead. i clothed in some loose pink adidas shorts, cropped cami, some white crew socks that pictured my golden anklets like halos over pale angels. my step ma hated that i dressed like a dyke, but like i had a choice. she binned my mothers hand me downs to my possession as she thinks of her as a surrogate to my father at this point, she's just jealous of femininity. i mean damn my father grabbed her as a hand me down from countless of other men before i'm sure. the hyperpigmentation on her face is just dried jizz that other pimps pumped on her cheeks. but i have to admit she's a good cook, with her fat ass she has to be i guess.
i walk into the living room and hover over my father sleeping on the couch again because it was the coolest spot in the whole house, him soaking up all the shade like a ghetto petty hoe when she's bored.
man i hate the way he sleeps, his eyes are half open rolled back to the back of his head, i push him a lil to see if he turned a certain way, if his pupils would remain in the same spot and just his body would move. and his eyes would point coordinated to the burmuda triangle or sum shit.
i set before the tv, in the floor infront of the couch gathering my styler and combs that i leave on the coffee table and switch on the set to watch cartoons in spanish translation. pretty much every morning i start my day like this, it reminds me that i can't forget my mother styling my knots in this same position, the way the tropical products smelled and the loud bracelets on her tanned wrists. i was interrupted in my thoughts by my dad stirring, hitting my damn head with his knees, just as if my mother was in her position pulling my hair to direct my head where it needed to be. he didn't apologise so i continued to milk through my hair with shea moisture and waited for it to dry.
i kicked on some forums and walked out to the stone pave that is smashed, worn down sandy white like fresh cut coke. as i walk by i squint and wave at aunties in both flowy and tight maxi dresses and sunhats.
i pass the old man with his box playing muffled classics
'wassup uncle'
'buenos días, ¿cómo están tu mamá y tu papá hoy?'
'está bien, supongo, ¿tienes cola? it's pressing me out here man'
'eh?'
i forgot he's almost dead, but anyway i grab a drink and leave
'adiós chica dile a tu mamá que le mando saludos'
'mkay'
man this dude thirsty for that hoe
i make my lefts and rights through the whitewashed alleys, decorated with kids slouched at the floor as if a firing squad carried out an excecution before 10 o'clock, shade that offers protection against the sun heat if you stood there long enough, had almost been taken up by the fire struck bodies. i finally reach the main street connected to the planked boardwalk, where floats and surfboards are sold for cheap, above the enenomies that stick littering the underboards. i pass the restaurants with long canopies like a flowy skirt lifted for people to eat out, and twist the markets corner to meet my friends faces.
'hey jasss damn you look thicker than my daddy's ass today'
i joked and he smiled,
'can't say the same for you slenderman looking ass'
'bitch your just jealous that you have to stop for five minutes after every stroke'
he laughed,
'you doin the stroking? i knew you were a fucking dyke'
'nah baby i'm just saying i can do it better'
jasper looked me up and down in some sort of expression my dumbass can't read
'prove it then 'baby'.'
'hmmm nah my fat dick can't fit in your tight ass'
he scoffed turning away as if i was supposed to be serious. i finish off my drink and walk over to isaac and tyson who are chatting with a few chicks, swear down these men creepy as fuck.
after talking with everyone for a while i have come to the realisation that xavier is a lil bit of a dick.
i mean. he has dark hair that runs golden lakes in certain sunlight, similar to his eyes. all the girls (and jasper prolly) trip over his british accent that he gained from residing in england for most of his life, but it just depresses me and gives me flashbacks to generational trauma from his english ass face. his english tongue was stuffed down a girls throat like they were sucking eachother off as if a bee sting was stuck on her uvula.
im not jealous. im just uncomfortable with the amount of stds he's spreading around with the amount of girls i've seen him with in the past week. i've never kissed anyone and i plan to keep it that way since boys are fucking pigs.
'the fuck you looking at sev?'
i didn't realise that i was zoning out in xavier's personal space for a few minutes until he yelled,
'SEVEN'
'hm? why you yelling for?? swear i can't hear no more.'
'you were fucking staring at my dick'
everyone looked up at his smirking, but i just move over to the discarded couch that jasper sat on, and slung my legs over his lap sighing,
'i weren't looking at no dick and you know it'
'you sure huh? i felt your intense stare on my balls you fuck ass freak'
'that was just your dick getting hard fucker'
'yo shut up sev no one even cares about your shit why you even here'
'you know damn well you wanted me to come, sorry im not tripping for your small dick' i angered.
'hah fuck off seven' he laughed at my efforts to weaken his ego.
'i'm cool'
i just chill staring up at the gaps between the two square buildings, wondering if you could survive the jump to the other side.
i carry jaspers left side as he carries my right as we walk into the beach pave.
'shit sev you were spaced out for a good few hours, you cool?'
'yeah i guess i just hate everybody you know'
'everyone's cool you ain't gotta worry'
'i know i don't give a fuck about what they say bout me. i'm tired of they're creepy ass shit, i just wanna fuck around like when we were kids. you know what i mean'
jasper pretends to go along even though he didn't know what i meant, he friends with them all so why would he be different?
'you wanna get drunk?'
'bitch you already drank plenty of that poison shit i can smell it on your tits'
i laughed
'get the fuck out of here with your a-cup ass'
'see!! i knew you wore a bra you know about cup sizes and everything dawg'
he pushed me hard to the side and pretended to be pissed off while i laughed like a bitch at my own jokes.
