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14:30, july 5th
ever since i was a kid i had my own cool
but i was a kid observing the crowd tryna be myself internally,
they had so much fun.
and i had some friends that my dad hated cause he thought they were a bunch of cunts, which was half true, they didn't share half of an interest with me.
that was until i skipped class again, it was half past so it was going well for the most part until my friend texted me, notifying that i was actually recognised for my absence again.
i was experiencing a somewhat manic period that week,
it only happens every few months for a sec so i knew i wasn't bipolar or anything.
probably a symptom of my adhd that was unrecognised to the mass, but i always knew.
these days usually occur around summertime when sadness cripples as if it is avoidant with the slow may/june heat
i feel usually overwhelmed and make bad decisions
like the day before i slit my cheek with a blunt blade
the adrenaline and the stubbornness of the knife made me feel nothing at all.
just confidence.
i was currently in the toilets closest to the class i was supposed to attend so i could easily play it off.
them classy bitches who smoke in the last stall next to the small boxy windows left nasty footprints over the seat where they would crouch if ever a unexpected guest entered their designated place to puff.
a rough 'out of order' sign read.
i didn't plan to leave the school as of yet but decided it was best off, there was nothing to do either way.
i jumped down the gapped staircase where the ghost remains of previous crowds lay
kicking my checkers as i walked, playing the beat of yosemite on my fat thighs messing around.
as i left the shade of cheap building frames the sun beat every dimension of my being
making me bold and naked to insecurities prior to the day before.
until i slipped around the back of the building, the lightly cooled air formed only in the colour gray, was a pleasure in only heatwaves and only left me repressed.
parts of me snapped back to the melt as i grew taller than the thin construction and on top of the world.
in a split, my heart noised in anger while
i was met with my head of year, who'd i frequently fall out with and hummed a curse under my squinted physical hoping the witch would vanish, i tripped over to her view that she could assess my every take on her presence and use it my disadvantage, she yelled a few hundred fucks i was supposed to give into my ears, luckily the music i was playing through my headphones drowned most of her out and i turned it up a few,
bit of a mistake in the moment as i was soon being led to her office where she called my dad.
i said some words i maybe regret if it would benefit a reservation in heaven.
he didn't answer, he was at work till late.
i was good..
good as in an hour after school detention for 3 days.. or a week,
i couldn't tell you wrong from right at that moment, i was restless as if i had a mood changing disease
currently bouncing with greed and cheesy anger.
08:07, july 5th
yet again i had woken up, filtered with presence.
i used to leave the house at twenty past 8, enough time to be 5 minutes early , answer my name on the register, talk to my friends.
but a few months ago i turned up 10 minutes late as i can't shake my luck with time, a bad relationship.
my father hadn't heard of the news so I'm playing it cool for as of until lords plan asks for a favour.
i dress in a skirt to rebel the weathers plot of a toasted breath
i use simple products to dress up the battery that limbers on my sun skin,
using the remaining moments before i left to take a piss and brush my gums coexisting in the 2 minutes.
as i leaned closer to the school i passed the mother and child walking, who i had encountered everyday for the past 2 years,
exempt friendliness.
almost flowing downhill the empty steps nearing the reception, it seemed deliberate that the time read 8:55.
nearing the brick block that enclosed my form class, 8:57
the work of students cluttered the wooden stations
the sawdust attracted my elbows like string
although, i didn't receive my mark on the register as my head of year invaded my path towards my group at the back of the class, tying a rope with her words to pull me along with no struggle, she rioted against my choice of time to kick up to school.
she asked where i was at the time she would 'like me to appear' at the classroom she rested at during register
'waking up probably' i spoke, scolding her idea of an early start
isn't funny how simple words can buy trouble.
turns out our previous 'conversation' stated isolation, the amount of days undetermined as of my recent unfunny banter.
damn.
10:57 End of 2nd lesson
i had been chained to a sparse classroom with a leash
my phone and bag had been taken,
which in fairness held no use as i clasped a ballpoint pen to apply onto the class work i had been given
again, i was too bustling to work with care
so i counted the ticks until a bathroom break
the limited contact was agitating
i had tore another scar on my hand due to boredom, the bottom of my pen drowned raspberry red fragments in high light.
woken from my vamp hibernation, my phone in hand, taking slow skips over to my peers as they crowd me with questions.
after i clear the curiosity, i walk, magnetic to my best friends, visiting the sweating corner store for milk and cookies.
15:00 july 6th
a repeat of isolation engorged my wednesday without failure
i cringed at the idea of the 'stick up the ass' kids smirking at the news of my punishment, making jokes to please the rich white boys
but hell, nobody give a fuck.
the whine of my teachers reminder of an hour of detention as the school bell rang, directing my movements i will take after school for the next 3 days.
i zip up the stairs nearing the detention 'area' - a tiny room connected to the staff's designated space.
i imagined my head of year cutting the rope, and attaching me to a random duty officer, like a parent at daycare.
the room was littered with folders and paperwork
a few scratched seats crouched submissively underneath the tall desks, scribbles coloured the grainy plastic,
my daily reading.
a fat finger pointed to a spot to lay my thoughts another period, but not gaining any sympathy for those who look down upon my actions,
which i had carried out plenty.
another kid had almost spawned beside me,
my leg buzzing below the fresh gum
'hey' i spoke, birthing a new conversation
'you aright'.
we talked for a good chapters until a grim reaper stood at the shot doorframe, giving the familiar gift of socks to fuck up the cheer.
i took the confidence in thanking her to piss her off and she turned back and we waited for her gliding to fade.
it was jasper i was talking to
he was in my year
not in any of my classes
as of this year
he had tight blonde curly hair,
tanned yellow skin
and wore blue band braces over his turkey teeth.
he was cool.
we were cool.
we conversed over shoes and our death sentences
we both liked the same music
we both laughed at each other's mocks
we left the school gates and exchanged contacts.
i kicked down the short journey to my house.
i replied to jasper's text and gave in my phone to my father, gaining a yell, presumably after my head of year was determined to spread the news like wildfire and laugh at the beating i will receive from my dick licking dad.
that night i lay staring at my fragment of planets
it felt so fresh;
a warm spring.
