Cote: Retelling

SS: STD

It's the end of my first month at ANHS, and I decided it was a good time to indulge myself.

From my very first day at this school, I have made an effort to reduce my spending to a bare minimum, cutting corners to reach 20 million points as fast as possible. In part to aid in this goal, I've taken up cooking, something completely unfamiliar to a White Room student like me.

However, I've become quite interested in the art of creating sustenance that tastes good. For someone who's mainly lived on nutritional supplements, actual flavour has been quite interesting to me. Considering that I only have these three years to practice cooking, I've decided to dedicate a small budget to making decent food.

However, trying new recipes becomes difficult on a budget. There are certain ingredients you can't get for cheap, and if you mess up the meal that's just a waste of points.

I would still like to try, however, so I decided to indulge myself at the end of the month. The times has now come, and I am currently facing down a luxurious, thick cut of ribeye. I could feel its weight as I placed it on my convenience-store cutting board, and I could feel it peering into my soul as I seasoned it with salt and pepper packets from the cafeteria. If the steak could speak, I'm sure it would be fuming at all the cheap tools and seasonings I'm using.

However, a good meal doesn't necessarily have to be expensive. If that wasn't the case, I would've never taken up cooking.

As I heat up a pan with butter, I think to myself while staring at the ribeye.

Just wait you expensive chunk of muscle fibers, I'll show you that the cheap setup I have won't stop me from cooking you to perfection. Do you know how many cooking tutorials I've watched on YouTube? You think the genius of the White Room will be defeated by insentient animal flesh? Think again, you unthinking source of protein.

I flick some water at the oil—it's ready. I pick up the steak with my convenience-store tongs, and the moment flesh meets oil my battle begins.

Begin by searing the steak for a few minutes on each side! Make sure windows are open so the air can filter! Remember to turn on the fan!

Use tongs to keep your hands away from the oil! If it's still singing you, use a glove as well!

Once the outer layer of the steak has cooked, set it down and lower the heat!

Now, you must be thinking this—the outside is so cooked already! For the steak to cook inside as well, won't the outside get burned?

You fool. You absolute moronic imbecile piece of meat. Did you think I didn't prepare for that possibility? It's now time for the secret technique YouTube-sensei taught me!

*Dramatic anime flashback*

"Now here, we're going to take a spoon, tilt the pan slightly, and just scoop the butter—"

"I see..."

I understand now, YouTube-Tutorial-Guy-Sensei! With this technique, no steak will be able to defeat me!

*Flashback ends*

Tilt the pan...

And with a spoon...

Baste the steak!

Steak: N-nani! Basting? How does he know this ancient technique!

Narrator: Allow me to explain! Basting is a cooking technique who's origins can be traced back to the Old French word basser! While it's original meaning is to moisten, it's current meaning is to periodically apply a heated liquid during the cooking process, like what Ayanokouji is doing with the butter!

Steak: This technique... My great-great grandfather was defeated (cooked to perfection) with this technique! Where did he learn about it? The Fillet Mignon clan should've hunted all the Basters to extinction back in the Great Beef War! Could it be? A survivor of the legendary Basting Clan!?

UOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Steak: I-I can't handle this! No! How could I be defeated (cooked to perfection) so easilyyyyyyyyyyy!

YouTube-Tutorial-Sensei: That's right Kiyotaka. You've done it. You've perfected my technique and reached new heights that even I've never seen! You will be the spearhead that brings the world into a new era of cooking!

Narrator: And so, the long battle came to an end...

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I cut a chunk of the meat and shove it into my mouth. After chewing for a few seconds, I swallow and think:

Yeah, it's pretty good.

I should make this a tradition. Steak-that's-consumed-at-the-end-of-the-month-day.

STCATEOTMD for short. Actually, that's still too long.

Let's instead go with... Steak-Tasting-Day. STD. Yeah, STD sounds good.

I'll have one STD every month.

Author's note: All that dramatic, anime-style thinking was just exaggeration. Ayanokouji's actual thoughts looked more like this:

...

...

...

Needs a bit more butter...

...

...

...

And it's done.