Lonely in gorgeous // Hyunlix

Chapter 7 - Are you staying?

I take his coat and boots off as gentle as I can, but he seems to sleep so deep that he doesn't flinch but instead his lips start to move and mutter.

"No Hyunjin, don't go, baby please, I..."

My heart streches and I exhale heavily.After I put him to bed I try to find out what to do. I desperately want to hug him and to feel his skin pressed on mine, but I can't do that, I can't invade his personal space without his persmission.

I sit in the livingroom with my head on the couch sipping from a burbon glass. My tears doesn't seem to stop while the wave of guilt gets me. I can tell why Felix had that panic attack, I could also tell in that moment but I tried to ignore and make myself believe that I can make him feel better. What a lie.

I made him sick again.

Felix's pov

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is the bright sun that comes from behind the black curtains. I can't really tell how I got here, but the familiar apartment gives me slight comfort. I try to find my phone but it is nowhere near me. I get up and while a arrive to the kitchen I see the clock on the fridge's display. I'm not surprised to see that it's 5 in the morning, around this time I usually pop two pills and go back to sleep until 12 PM.

I see Hyunjin laying on the ground with an half empty burbon bottle next to him. I sigh. I go next to him and I try to move his body, but I find that's no way. He is much taller than me and heavier.

"Hyunjin, wake up" He doesn't seem to hear me so I touch his back moving my hand up and down. "Wake up. You will catch a cold."

He turns his head and his face is so close to mine that any move can make our skin touch.

"What?" he tries to understand what is going on, still sleepy.

"You can't sleep on the floor. Just go to bed. I'll leave now."

He is now fully awake and moves a few inches away from me and grabs my hand.

"Hey, do you really want to go?" His voice is trying to hide it's despair and I feel myself trembling. I can't answer anything so I just stare into his eyes.

"You said my name in your sleep last night." He is the one to talk again.

"How did we get to your appartment?" I try to ignore his words, altought they make my heart flutter.

"Minho took us there. You fell asleep in the park and I tried to not wake you up so you can rest. Jisung was babbling that he is feeling guilty to let you with me, but I'm not that bad am I?" His lips curved in a sad smile.

"Thank you. I really slept well. I suppose you can't say the same. Why were you sleeping on the floor?"

"I didn't want to intrude. I know that I was the reason for you panic attack and I tried to ask myself if it will be OK to bring you here, but I chose to be selfish for one night. I couldn't find the strength to let you go." He was whispering.

I place my hands on his cheeks and try to comfort him. His eyes were fixing the floor, trying to avoid mine.

"It happened often to me in the past couple of weeks. I knew that maybe we will meet again and everything was overwhelming. I tried to not tell the others that I was coming to that reunion. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I just wanted to challenge myself to see how I can handle being in Korea again." I spoke while I was placing his head on my shoulder. "I guess it didn't work too well. Good to know that probably I will never be able to get over it. Thank you again for taking care of me."

"Lix...I'm sorry. Everything would go different if Minho would have listened to me and not take me to that event.You would have been fine." His voice was a murmur.

"Don't. Either way once it would have happened to meet again."

"When are you leaving?" he asks me raising his head.

"Soon."