used me as a alibi... i crossed my heart as you crossed the line
•
You were a hero. She was the villain. You were polite. She was ruthless. But your love for eachother was something that could never break no matter what people thought. You were from...
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you betrayed me, and i know that you'll never feel sorry
"Jinx? Interesting... I've never heard of that name before. My name is Y/N," I state politely. Our conversation doesn't last long before I head off. Walking home I just remember how late it was and checked my watch. "1 am... oh shit."
flashback over
That was last night. I got punished severely for my 'unladylike' behavior. More like abuse— I didn't get much sleep last night, unfortunately. Though at least I got to figure out the strange girl's name. Jinx... how interesting. I look in the mirror blandly and see the tear streaks spread on my face. "Lady's don't cry" "Wipe those tears away young women or else you'll get worse" they would say to me. My mother or father has never hurt me, only empty threats and deathly insults. Washing my face and cleaning myself, I sigh. Sometimes I want to act out and punch that stupid mirror until my knuckles bled. I did it once and that wasn't the best idea. I still have scars from it. But ladies cannot HAVE scars, and we cannot cry, we cannot shed ugly tears in distress as they do not appeal to men. Bullshit I say, men can go suck my nonexistent dic— So I cover the streaks with makeup and perfect the rest. I smile just like my mother taught me. Chin up, but not too much to show superiority, just slight confidence. Cover your face with pounds of makeup until you look like those girls you see in luxury. I walk out of my room and head downstairs to eat breakfast. Mother comes into view when I reach the end of the stairs. Her stoic facials give off the fact that I should pretend yesterday didn't happen. If she pretends, I do as well. I eat the well-balanced breakfast that was prepared for me to complement my diet. I can feel my mother's powerful glare staring through my body. It's a natural habit of mine. Identifying people's body language without even seeing them. It helps me determine their mood and has benefited me when my parents are more angry than usual. My father isn't as 'harsh' on me but his disappointment looks seem to hurt more than my mother's words. Enough of me ranting about my parents... techniques. After I eat I brush my teeth, grab my bag, and head out. During the day I don't do much. I work at a coffee shop nearby as a barista and then go home and do my lessons with my tutor. Academics and lady lessons. My favorite part of my day is my job. It makes me need to work a lot and helped me grow some muscles on my arms. Women can't have muscles my ass Victoria— Plus the muscles seem to give me more confidence. And Jinx constantly stares at them which is kinda hot— The manager is an old lady whose children are in college. She's very kind to me and treats me like her own child which makes me happy. When I enter the shop the doors make their usual chime. The smell of coffee and fresh cookies fills up my nose and I softly smile. I grab my employee's apron and make orders. Listening to the music playing through the vinyl record I hum softly to the tune. After working for another 4 hours or so I finally finish my shift. Even though I felt exhausted I knew that was no excuse to miss my lessons. Mrs. Laurel would punish me physically if I missed for such a stupid reason. Thatsnotnormalthatsnotnormal— Once I reach home I place my bag in its usual place and go to the office where Mrs. Laurel is. Our lessons went, as usual, she would start with academics, then lessons. If I didn't do something correct I get slapped on the wrist with a ruler. It wasn't that bad though. Today she seemed to be in a bad mood. Today felt a little more exhausting than usual. Today felt a little longer. Today is one of those days where I escape at night and go down there. It's stupid, foolish even. But my mind is young and curious and desperately seeking comfort on hard days. Even if it causes me to have to take desperate measures. Just run away and everything will be fine, theydontcaretheydontcare— I walked through the shimmer-filled air and feel the tears drip down my face. Why is this place feel safer than there? Why do I feel... at home? Because your "home" isn't truly home runrunrun— My thoughts seem to be spiraling more than usual... strange. I find a bar that seems to be lively. It wouldn't hurt to grab a drink. Maybe mother and father would be mad but— Stop caring about what they think, stupidstupidstupid— I entered the bar. Nobody paid attention to me and when I asked the bartender for a drink with a lot of alcohol in it he didn't question. Maybe that's why I like this place so much. Nobody cares about you and how you act unless it interferes with them. Maybe that's why I finally let myself lose for once. Not completely, because I will probably never break out of that habit.
Maybe that's why I felt so happy.
————————————————————————— AUTHORS NOTE the second chapter is finally done. hope you guys like it and criticism is welcome. please tell me if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes. ily guys <3 -M
