Hyunjung wakes up the next morning wrapped up in Jiyeon and all of a sudden she feels something that she doesn’t usually feel with Jiyeon. It’s sadness, Longing. She looks at Jiyeon. How peaceful her face looks when she’s still sleeping and she wants this. Every day and every night and just always.
She’s loved Jiyeon ever since she met the girl and she’s so at peace with the fact that she is that she doesn’t often realize how hopeless her situation is.
Hyynjung thinks she might see the water beginning to come closer. She’s so afraid she’s going to drown, but then Jiyeon’s eyes open and the first thing she does is smile at Hyunjung and she thinks that drowning because of Jiyeon might be the best way to go.
*
Hyunjung kind of needs to talk about it with someone. She’s still feeling the aftershocks of her birthday and she can’t help but feel sad sometimes when she looks at Jiyeon. She doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to associate someone so amazingly good with a feeling that bad, but she can’t help it. She’s alright most of the time, really, but then he comes along. Hyunjung knew, in the back of her mind, that they had been dating. But since he was always so far away, Hyunjung could forget. Except now he’s not far away. He’s sitting right across from her in their ice cream place. Fucking Jiwoong and his goddamn smiling face.
Hyunjung never used to think she was a particularly jealous or violent person, but when he sees Jiwoong putting his hand on Jiyeon’s lower back when they walk into the ice cream shop she wants nothing more than to punch that stupid smile off his face. Hyunjung doesn’t even enjoy her jelly berry ice cream. She makes up some lame excuse about not feeling well and takes the bus home.
She really needs to talk about this to someone.
*
I’m in love with Jiyeon.” The words just tumble right out of her mouth and into the air. Eunseo and her are laying on her bed, having what Eunseo calls boy-talk. When Eunseo asks her about Hyunjung’s love-life, she just can’t help herself. It was kind of the plan anyway. Still, Hyunjung’s first instinct is to get up and run away as fast as possible, but she suppresses it and stays seated. She doesn’t clarify or move to look at Eunseo. She just waits.
“Wait, what.” Eunseo says, eventually. She doesn’t sound disapproving, just genuinely surprised and confused.
“I’m in love with Jiyeon.” Hyunjung repeats and it only hits her then that it’s the first (second) time in her life that she’s spoken the words. It doesn’t really make a difference, Hyunjung thinks. She’s never understood people saying that things only become more real once you say the words. Being in love with Jiyeon had been real from the very first second.
“How—When?” Hyunjung doesn’t really know how to answer that. She can’t really recall a time where she wasn’t in love with Jiyeon.
“I don’t know. Always, I think.” Hyunjung sounds so much calmer than she feels. It’s not that she’s actually scared Eunseo isn’t going to accept her. It’s just—it’s just weird to talk about.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Eunseo sits up and now she mostly just sounds accusing. Hyunjung can’t help but smile softly at it. She feels like shrugging again. She honestly doesn’t know why she hadn’t told Eunseo. It just hadn’t ever come up.
“It was—It wasn’t on purpose. It’s just—“ Hyunjung tries to explain it, but words seem to fail her. She huffs and tries again. “It’s not really something I think about a lot anymore. It’s more like a fact. Like, the sky is blue and water is wet and Kim Hyunjung is in love with Kim Jiyeon.” Hyunjung only realizes then that it’s exactly what she’s feeling. Loving Jiyeon feels like something unchangeable. Something that will always be there. Not particularly painful (not always anyway), just there. Sure, the last few weeks it had been a little tougher, but overall Hyunjung wasn’t hurting that much over it.
