Surviving life .

Chapter 1

-Alex POV -

Life is not easy. I know that. Hell i never had it easy before. But it's life and you live. That's how I continue living. So hey I'm Alex. Your average 17 years old guy, I repeat this introduction in my mind as if someone can actually hear me.

I woke up at 6:10am to an overly loud alarm. As I yanked my blanket off, pain shot through my thighs, totally forgetting about the new dozen cuts  that I made yesterday. Blood rushed out of the cuts but I didn't care the hot shower will take care of them and to be honest am too depressed to even bother.
the blood that was almost dripping now. "Yes it hurts but I deserve the pain." I repeat this sentence in my mind desperately trying to convince myself that I actually do.

After the shower i checked my phone for time it was now 6:35 so I rushed. I wore black jeans and then I noticed that my binder was a bit small.
Yeah am ftm which means i was born a female but am actually a male.
That made me hate myself and just want to die already but I ignored it and put on an over sized gray hoodie. "Aren't hoodies great like seriously they are my shield that protects me from the world and just keeps me safe. Even if it was summer I wouldn't mind wearing a hoodie. " mumbled to myself

I heard a rattling sound that could only mean two thing, either dad is up or his girlfriend is up. Equally terrifying. I cursed mentally. As I was trying to leave as quietly as I can. my plan of being a ninja didn't work as well as I hoped it will, also I may or may not fell face first into the floor .

I fell from the second floor to the first in a blink. "so much for being quite." I mummbled as i rubbed my face. "Its gonna bruise."

My dad's girlfriend didn't like my ninja skills. Cara,
I could see the anger form over her face as she walked over. And the only thought running in my mind is "shield your face and get ready."

I'm used to the kicking and punching but I never know where she's gonna hit me and thats what terrified me the most. I dont want to go to school black and blue.

I was already on the floor so she kicked my torso and legs and anywhere she could really, also throw bottles at me luckily they were empty and dry. I was just there holding my ribcage and fighting tears that threatened to fall. Even though the pain is unbearable but i have to bear it everyday.

"Men don't cry." I told myself. An obvious lie that i hang to.

Fortunately she didn't hit my face. Having bruises over my face will get me unneeded attention. And I'm pretty sure that fall will bruise my face I was glared at and made fun of for no reason so what if they finally found a reason.

She looked at me one last time. "Trash, nothing but trash. You'll never be a man." Blocking everything she's saying as tears fell. And she faded into nothingness.
I am a man and she can't tell me otherwise.

I couldn't help but let her words mess my mind up, they never left me, but i pushed them away. My mother always told me am a man. She can't tell me otherwise.

I stood up and walked to school. It's only a 15 minutes walk that I didn't mind. I took some pills to numb the pain. I wasn't walking really, much like limping since my knee hurts so bad I couldn't put pressure on it. And the pain on the side of my torso didn't fade a bit. "What a great way to start the day" i said sarcastically to no one.

on my way a car full of my school "popular kids" passed me by and a girl shouted "look the freak is still alive". Its not even funny but they laughed . Idiots.

Her friends laughed and joined in and shouted names and threw stuff that I honestly have no Idea what they were. But one of the guys throw a bottle at me that shattered at the impact it made with my leg. gashed my leg and it bled through my skinny jeans but I just covered it up with some gauze that i didn't even know I had in my back bag.