Surviving life .

Chapter 5

-Alex POV -

As I lay on my bed thinking of her, thinking of mom. Is she fine up there? Is she happy? Does she know how much pain I'm in?.

"don't worry mom. I'll see you soon" I whispered to no-one in particular.

I turned and flipped. Trying to sleep even though it's already too late and I'll only wake up tired. But few hours wouldn't be bad. I don't know if it's just my insomnia or my brain refusing to shut off and not over think. And It seems like it's just one of those sleepless nights.

--

I groan as I try to shut the alarm off. Failing at that too. Trying to him my phone which only ended with it falling off the nightstand.

"great, I can't even shut an alarm off."

I got up and shut that thing off then looked at my thighs and arms i even have some on my stomach . The new cuts are healing. The scars are fading. The pain is subsiding. My depression is growing.

"When will it all end?"

I got up and I took a shower that stinged a lot. Cold water didn't help too. But i didn't mind . I deserved the pain.

Alex just shut up and finish showering. I try to avoid looking at the mirror when I'm naked (or dressed) or anything that will reflect my skin .Small or not. Skin is still skin. Therefor I hate it. At least I hate mine.

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I chose black skinny jeans with a white short sleeved shirt but an over sized black hoodie on it, so the underneath is pretty invisible. Same black nikes. Those shoes were a present from mom. I really hate wearing them but I don't have any other pair. Dad doesn't give me money but I don't really need his money.

When I was a kid my mother made me a bank account but I don't use its money a lot. Just when I must, besides when I cash out money my dad gets notified and he gets mad. Him being mad leads to me beaten and hurt. Which leads to more pain and hatred. Which makes more depressed if it's actually possible. Therefore I rather avoid it all together.

Besides I don't mind working, it's actually enjoyable. Even though I don't get payed for it. Even though they do sometimes pay me. they accept me and thats good enough for me.

I went down stairs. I don't feel like eating to be honest so I just left for school.

Same cars have passed by same people walked by. It's boring now. Same group of people shouted at me. They bully me for no reason. They don't know I'm trans not even my teachers know. So why? Why did Jake make me his target? What did I ever do to him?. All those unanswered questions, Unreasonable actions. All I can do is take it with a broken smile.

I hope I'll find out one day. Back where I used to live, they bullied me for being trans. I never got why they felt obligated to bully someone that was only trying to be themselves. Ignorant pricks.

As I walk into school I could only feel the eyes that are watching and the whispers and laughs. I tell myself "maybe they are talking about a joke or their lives" but why would they watch me and then laugh?

"smartass" I cursed at myself with a bitter tune.

It's so boring though. I know every thing that is going to happen. Let's start with after I walk in. I get pushed until I reach my locker. Which did happen. Then I finally reached and get beaten up by Jake I predicted. Funny it didn't happen because he tripped me before I even reach my locker.

"good change of scenario."

He then walks up to me as I lay on my knees on the grounds. All of a sudden I'm m on my tip toes.