Surviving life .

Chapter 7.

-Alex POV -

I woke up in a hospital bed. My vision was blurry. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the sun or maybe because I was crying all day long yesterday. Who knows, it could be because I slept for all I know.

I tried to stand up and go to the bathroom I felt something heavy on my leg. And then I noticed that I'm holding hands with someone. And that someone is asleep on my leg.

I got scared I couldn't see completely yet, so having someone on my leg is pretty scary. Not only is my eyesight blurry but so is my memory. I looked closely and saw Jake. Lying on my leg, holding my hand. I was beyond shocked.

So many thoughts were running through my head I couldn't do a thing. "why is he here?. Jake is my bully, why is my bully holding my hand. At a hospital? Why am I here? What's going on? Is dad back? Why am I in so much pain?" all those unanswered questions distracted me from him.

I looked at him, my vision is clear now. His hair is a mess.he has some awful bags under his eyes. His cheeks red and his face is pale. Jake looks beautiful. But its impossible. I wont let my desire get the best of me. Not after everything he has done to me.

I try removing my hand from his grip but every time I try, he squeezes harder. So I gave up and sat on my bed looking at him. His hair looks smooth. "I wanna touch it" I thought.
"But what if he woke up?" I was still debating whether to reach out and move his hair away from his face or just pretend to be asleep. "stop being such a wimp" a voice deep down yelled at me. So I turned my head and stared out the window.

Everything is grey now. The sun is not yellow anymore, the trees aren't green too. Life isn't as colourful without her. She took all the colours when she lift.

I was getting used to him being here. Still uncomfortable but it's good in a way. The thing that scared me most is my father. I don't know when is he coming back. Some time he takes days sometimes he takes weeks.

I need to get discharged today. He could be home now. He could be furious. My heart rate started to rush. And the beeping sound was so loud and fast it woke Jake up.

I felt the weight subside from my leg and I saw Jake raise his head and look at me. Probably disgusted. I don't get why he stayed, why is he holding my hand, why didn't he let me die. He wanted me die why save me now.

The memories of that day came back and so did my tears. I wasn't sobbing I was only frozen with tears falling out. I was too zoned out to notice anything. I'm numb now. I didn't notice his eyes that were filled with regret and consirn. Or his panicking expression.

His hand wiping my tears snapped me back to earth. I looked at him, teary eyed and trying to speak but he didn't say a thing. He just hang his head. And stood up.

I didn't say a thing, too many questions I didn't know where to start. He we backing up from the bed but not to far.

"why are you here?" I said "I just c-couldnt leave". He couldn't leave? Really. As if I can believe it.

"why?"

"I don't know i just couldn't leave you alone. I know it's all my fault. I know that it's my fault" I could see Jake crying now "I'm sorry" "God I'm an idiot" He whispered "Alex believe me if I could take it all back I would. I don't know why I did this. I'm sorry, I I'm s-sorry I really am" He looked away and I could hear him sobbing and sniffing.

"it's okay Jake, I deserved it" I faked a smile. "no. No you didn't, no one does, what I did isn't forgivable. You shouldn't forgive me. I did you wrong. Beyond wrong actually." He looked at me shocked and wide eyed.

I turned the other way. Looking through the window. " if only you knew me, you would kill me without mercy." I whispered. "sorry I didn't hear. What did you say?" Jake asked. "nothing" I faked a smile again. He can't even see through them. I chuckled.

I stood up. And kinda fell down as my knees couldn't held me. Jake ran to me and crouched down to me as he held his hand out for me but I didn't take it. I can't be doing this. I won't do this. I stood up holding the bed and leaning towards the wall.

"where do you want to go?" Jake asked with concern. "I want to go home." "you're not ready to leave! You're not okay!." I looked at him expression less. "I'm ready and I need to be home!".

I walked out the room. Well almost fell with ever step I took. I reached the lobby and told the nurses that I have to get home and am okay now. They didn't believe me whatsoever.

So I talked to the doctor that was there and after ten minutes of persuading and arguing he said okay. He said that I was only here to be monitored so I don't really have to be here.

I walked back to the room to get changed and leave. I didn't mind Jake and I didn't even tell him that I was leaving. I was too zoned out to notice. I could only think of what's gonna happen when I see dad.

"wait! Alex they let you go?!" Jakes said clearly shocked. "yeah am leaving now. I already signed the papers and dealt with everything". I went to the bathroom to change and wash my face. I skipped the mirror because I know I look awfully disgusting.

I walked out the bathroom and the shortly out the room with Jake following me like a lost puppy. I heard him shout my name. And stopped. "so Alex, um.. Can I take you home? At least let me do something. ". I sighed and nodded. A car is faster than legs anyways.

The car drive was silent. Apart from his occasional finger tapping and humming. It was nice to just stay in silence but the demons inside my head ruined it. We reached my home and I could see the lighting room lights are on. Either my father is home or I forgot to turn them off.

I got out of the car and said my thanks. I walked to my front door only to be greeted with

"hey faggot."

--------- 

i didnt edit this chapter, tbh i wasnt feeling that into it. but i still posted it anyways so what you're reading is three years old probably. im not sure if i did edit it thro those year or kept it as is. hope you enjoy.