You walked around the stadium with your friends. Ed Sheeran's concert was set to begin soon. It cost 200 dollars to get into the event, so you were excited to see what would be so great about this concert. Suddenly, in the corner of your eye, you see HIM. ED SHEERAN. He's being escorted by some security guards across a red carpet to reach the area behind the stage. Knowing your Ed-Senpai's location, you head over to the carpet to meet your idol.
You reach Ed and lose your words. His ethereal beauty stuns you.
"O-o-omigosh!!" You stammer, like a 14-year old girl on Twitter, "Hi, E-Ed-Senpapi!"
Ed looks your way and tilts his sunglasses down, The Rock style. It's a funny coincidence how there's no one else crowding the area around the carpet, wanting to meet their mommy Ed. You get so excited that you almost faint.
"Hello there, child. What's your name?" He asks.
"Y/N." You reply.
"Well, Y/N, you look pretty tonight." He responds.
All of a sudden, a woman enters the area. Ed's wife, Cherry.
"EEEEDDDD!" She screeches.
He readjusts his sunglasses in apparent shock and readies himself.
"Yes, dear?" He replies.
"ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE THIS MINOR?!?!?!" She asks.
He looks at you. His face is gorgeous. Before you can react, however, he pulls you into his arms for a second. You look up at him with a lovestruck gaze.
"Ed-Senpai, what are you-"
He slams you onto the floor and plants his foot on your chest. It turns you on. His wife's anger turns to pleasure. She seems to enjoy the violence.
"A-aah!" You blurt. Your masochism is incredibly obvious.
Ed presses harder. It feels great. Ed is treating you like a peasant, and you like it. After all, you're a dirty, nasty peasant who smells like they farted, FAAAAARTED. He then begins to stomp on you multiple times. You'll remember the feel of his size 15 nikes for the rest of your pitiful life. Before you can realize it, however, his wife joins in.
"NO!! GET THIS WOMAN OFF OF ME!!" You scream.
They don't care, though. Ed gets down on his knees and begins to slap your face, while his wife continues to stomp you. Your face is in heaven, but the rest of your body is in hell. You only wanted Ed! Not his wife! You writhe on the floor in agony. You deserve it, you dripless deviant.
They continue to beat you until you muster the strength to get up and slap Ed's wife. You always hated her, anyways. However, before you can rejoice, you feel something oddly cold pierce your chest.
A comically long blade.
You turn to look behind you to see that Ed Sheeran is standing behind you, but you realize that that's not the real Ed. You look back to see that his wife has melted into PURE FUCKING CHEESE. A PUDDLE OF CHEESE LIES AT YOUR FEET. YOU LOOK BACK TO SEE NIKOCADO AVOCADO SMILING DEVIOUSLY AT YOU. THEN, HIS BLADE ALSO MELTS TO CHEESE AND YOU DROP TO THE GROUND, AS YOU HAVE BEEN STABBED BY LITERAL CHEESE. BITCHICADO AVOCADO HAS LITERALLY IMPALED YOU, WITH CHEESE. THE DISGUST YOU FEEL IS IMMESURABLE. WITH THE LAST OF YOUR STRENGTH, YOU LEAP AT HIM.
HE ATTEMPTS TO HOLD YOUR HANDS IN PLACE, BUT HE IS NO MATCH FOR YOU. YOU CLAW OFF HIS FACE WHILE THE GUARDS JUST STAND IN PURE CONFUSION. BEFORE YOU CAN YOINK OUT HIS EYES, HOWEVER, HE FUCKING GOES ULTRA INSTINCT AND CREATES SOME SORT OF CHEESE EXPLOSION, COVERING EVERYTHING IN CHEESE. YOU ARE DEAD, AND YOU WERE KILLED BY CHEESE. YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING ASSAULTED BY ED, BUT IN REALITY, IT WAS SOME OBESE MAN WHO LOVES CHEESE.
Your life was a lie...
BUT NIK-ED KINDA LOOKED CUTE THOUGH—
YOU ARE READING
Ed Sheeran steps on you (Ed Sheeran x Reader)
FanficWhat used to be Ed just stepping on you has become much, much worse.
