And We Go On

Mirror House

We decide, after a most wonderful and eventful night together, to meet up with Sam at his sister’s. We agree it’s time to try to help each other outside of the war, too.
When we show up, there are lots of people walking around, bringing in items. I hear them talking about how Sam called in a favor and with their family history, they were happy to oblige.
We walk up towards the boat and I can hear Sam ask how we’re going to get a large piece for the boat off the truck in front of them. Without asking, Bucky pulls it off and loads it onto the shore.
“You’re welcome.” He says, then hands Sam a breifcase.
“Just dropping this off. I called in a favor from the Wakandan’s.” Bucky says. I roll my eyes, cause he’s acting like we’re leaving right away. Then a valve goes off on the boat and Bucky walks on it to help  get it under control.
“Why didn't you use the metal arm?” Sam asks once the leak has stopped.
“I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m right-handed.” I laugh out loud as Sarah walks over. I hug her in greeting as I hear Bucky ask if Sam wants any help. Sam welcomes it. Then Bucky gets the most adorable cute grin on his face. He looks at me, then to Sarah, and introduces himself to her.

I think I mentioned before, I know nothing about boats. And I’m not afraid of physical work, but those two seemed to have it pretty under control. So instead I mill around and help Sarah with everything else.
At the end of the day, I head to the boat to gather them up. I see them sitting on the edge of the boat, relaxing with a drink for a moment.
“Welp, gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room, crash.” I roll my eyes at Bucky as I cross my arms.
“You’re just gonna set me up like that?” Sam questions, laughing a little.
“Just stay here.” Sam finally concedes. I laugh at them and help them gather up the remaining items to take back home for the night.
Bucky and I are set up in the living room on the two couches they share and sleep peacefully for the first time in a while.

I wake up earlier than anyone, and just sit up on the couch, watching the sun come up. I see the shield on the floor, partially coming out of the bag. I see Sam’s two nephews are also awake and go to pick up the shield. I smile at them and just watch as they start playing with it.
During all their noises, I see Bucky jump awake and slowly look over at them. He watches them for a few minutes then says, “Hey.” and waves.
“Put it back, hurry!” The boys then run off. I laugh a little then look at Bucky, who stares at the shield. He then moves his gaze to the ceiling, just thinking. I don’t say anything, and allow him to be in his mind for a bit.
He’s been through a lot with that shield. These past few months have been some of the craziest we have had. But at least one thing has been constant; his undying loyalty for those around him. That’s what the shield stood for. Taking care of others and looking out for your team.

The boys, Bucky and Sam, tried to sneak out before Sarah got up and tried to work on the boat. Obviously it didn’t work out so well because when Sarah found them, they were sent back home. Apparently they were trying to fix all the wrong parts. They decided to work with the shield instead while I listened to them talk. I have a sense that Bucky is finally going to open up to Sam. About time. Maybe Sam can actually help him since he mentioned he did therapy for soldiers before. And now that they've built this trust, I hope it goes somewhere.
“It’s just that shield. Well, it’s the closest thing I have left to a family. So when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left. Made me question everything. You, Steve, me. And you know I’ve got his, uh, his book. And I just figured if it worked for him, then it’d work for me.” Bucky sighs and looks away, clearly struggling with this.
To hear him acknowledge and say everything, to finally explain himself, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my chest. He was doing his best, like always. But he was grappling with some hard stuff and didn’t know how to ask for help.
“I understand that man. But Steve is gone. And this might be a surprise but it doesn’t matter what Steve thought.” Sam throws the shield and then catches it as it comes back.
“You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are.” Sam adds, throwing the shield again, but this time Bucky catches it.
“Let me ask you,” Sam starts. “You still having those nightmares?”
“All the time” Bucky doesn’t hesitate to tell him. I feel my heart leap in joy only because he has finally told someone else who isn’t going through it how he’s feeling.
“It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means part of the winter soldier is still in me.”
“You up for a little tough love? You wanna climb out of the hell you’re in, do the work. Do it.”
“I’m making amends.”
“Nah. You weren’t amending, you were avenging. You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled while you were the Winter Soldier, because you thought it would bring you closure. You go to these people and say sorry because you think it’ll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to them, and be of service. I’m sure there’s at least one person in that book who needs closure and you’re the only one to give it to them.”
“Probably a dozen.”
“That’s cool. Start with one.”
“Good talk.”
Sam laughs and they shake hands.
“You call me when you have a lead and I’ll be there.”
Then the two of them joke about being a team, but not a good team.
“Oh my gosh there you guys go again.” I joke, shaking my head.
“Thanks for the help man, it meant a lot.”
“Of course.”