The Heart of Katie Grey

Tuesday August 19th

I opened my eyes to the sun on my face through a window I did not recognize as my own. Everything came rushing back, I suddenly felt my stomach lurch and vomited beside the bed before I had time to get up. I groaned and felt a little panicky recognizing that I would have to find stuff to clean this up, which meant I would have to leave this room, find Ashley, and ask her for help which I entirely did not want to do. I really just wanted to stay in this bed and potentially wither out of existence. But I didn't even actually get to sit up before I heard a knocking on my door.

"Are you okay Katie" Ashley asked from outside my door,  "Can I come in?"

"Uhh sure"

She cracked open the door, and I assume immediately smelt the stench of my vomit but she didn't flinch.

"It's alright" she said, "I'll get some stuff to clean up, you can go wash up in the shower if you'd like"

"Um yeah" I replied "That would be really nice" getting up from the bed.

"It's right down the hall on the left" she said pointing.

A shower really did sound lovely, not only was there a little bit of stomach contents on my shirt but I could still smell police station on my clothes.

The bathroom was small but there were towels and soap and anything I could have possibly needed organized on the shelves. I stood in front of the mirror and took the clothes I had been wearing for the last 24 hours off. I stared at my body 5'3 frame in the mirror, Cystic Fibrosis always made it hard for me to gain weight, and running almost 30 miles most weeks certainly didn't help either. I look at my hazel eyes, which I got from my mother, and long blonde hair, which was definitely from my father. My skin was a little dry and covered in a pattern of tan lines from only running in sports bras and spandex all summer. A lot of my friends have admitted their jealousy of my ideal body shape, however most of them have never acknowledged the scars that litter my abdomen from surgeries to remove my gallbladder and appendix, or the one on my side where I had to get a chest tube to drain fluid from my lungs when I was 12, or all the dotted scars along my biceps from countless PICC lines to administer IV antibiotics. I'm not sure if they realized what it all meant, how sick my body really is, they'd still feel very jealous.

I move into the shower and the warm water flows over my body.

When I leave the bathroom I hear Ashley call from the other end of the hall. "When your dressed can you come into the kitchen, we have a couple things to go over if you are feeling up to it?"

She seems so comfortable with me here, a stranger in her house, but I remind myself that like Jay, this is her job, hundreds of kids have slept in that bed, and used this bathroom, this is what she signed up for, I did not, I did not sign up for my whole life to turn upside down like this.

I get dressed throwing on a pair of sweatpants and my favorite Beachcomber sweatshirt that is permanently stained with the smell of sand and sunscreen, it makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Ashley is sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal for me. She offers me the food but I don't think I could even take a bite with another lump forming in my throat. I hadn't yet dug out the enzymes I have to take every time I eat out of my duffle yet anyway.

"I'm all set" I say, and thankfully she doesn't try to convince me to take a couple bites.

"So" she says in a matter of fact tone "I have been on the phone with Jay all morning and a couple other people and it looks like we are putting together a plan for you."

I braced myself

"After a lot of searching yesterday we found some paper work from yours moms office and it looks like she actually did have a few things put in place in the case of her passing" she paused "do you know anyone by the name of Erin Bailey?"