SIYEON'S POV
"Yah, just date me already."
Everyone in the set laughed, including the staff, after hearing Sua throw out that old joke.
I sighed as I recounted what happened earlier at the Idol Ground shooting.
It is our last week of comeback promotion and we were a guest in Idol Ground. This show is actually very fun, I always look forward to visiting here. As usual, we were given a solo challenge where we have to continuously provide a word related to the keyword within a minute.
It usually goes like Name, Age, Group Name, Hobby, my charm, my dream, ideal type, and a surprise question. I was actually doing good until I mess it up on the last keywords.
"Explain why your last two answers are related to Sua." the PD asked still laughing.
I answered "Sua Unnie" when I saw Ideal Type and the last question "Favorite Member". I was pressured by the time and of course, I answered the first thing I thought of when I saw the keywords.
"Just that I like Sua unnie that much," I said winking at the camera and to Sua.
"Oh, look at her flirting" she teased laughingly.
Luckily, though. Sua and I have this vibe that goes naturally without saying any words. So these types of mishaps don't make it awkward for both of us. We'd go as far as playing wives on camera and throwing in flirty looks and banters.
But that's about it. I feel comfortable joking and flirting with her when we are with people. In reality, I am shy when I'm alone with her. If it isn't obvious enough, I sincerely and seriously like Sua unnie. We have been living together for years now and her effect on me when we're alone together is very consistent. I feel tense and my heart always feels like a carnival.
What confuses me is that when we're alone together, we don't flirt. Not at all. We're like normal friends hanging out. Since we both like watching dramas, we would spend our rest days in the living room, eating while talking about random stuff.
We barely even do skinships. Well, she does initiate it as she is naturally clingy and touchy. But since I like her and I feel like dying when she touches me, I am very much cautious when she initiates. I would either push her jokingly or discretely distance myself, physically, from her.
This sexual tension.
It's not that I don't want it. God, I fucking want it. I like it when she hugs me or buries her face in my ear. However, if she keeps on doing that privately, I might lose my sanity. I am at the age where my sexual frustration is on the edge.
I am not sure if the members know that I prefer women. But I am guessing they know but just didn't want to ask. I also do not feel the need to announce it to them since they let me be comfortable with myself. That is probably why our group is tight-knit. We respect each other with actions and words. However, that also makes it hard for me to date. I would always think about them and the group if ever the words of me being gay will spread. It will not only affect me but the group too. I did not want to risk it. Having said that, I haven't been getting any action for a very long time. I do not even remember what sex feels like.
I sighed as I toss myself to the other side of my bed. Just my luck, Jiu is staying at her house for the night since our schedule tomorrow will start at noon, she won't be hearing me sigh in frustration.
"Are you hungry?" the familiar voice asked me.
Sua is standing at the door, waiting for me to answer her. She was wearing an oversized shirt but extremely short sweat shorts.
