Sleeping without you (a Phanfiction)

Mess

A/N:
mentions of suicide, abuse and self harm.
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Phil's POV

"It all started when I was 13, my mum had recently passed away because of a fault in an operation she was having, she lost too much blood. I was devastated, it lead me to be constantly depressed and I wanted to die most of the time. What made this all worse is that my father was left to look after me, he left me alone all day and would come home late at night, clearly drunk, and abuse me. On top of being bullied, this just made life unbearable for me. So one day, I just gave in to the pressure and stress that life was forcing upon me.

I ran around to the back of my garden to my dad's shed (he keeps all of his tools for his woodwork there) and grabbed, two blades. I then ran to my kitchen and grabbed my dad's sleeping pills. When I was back in my room I grabbed some paper ready to write a note. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I ran to my bathroom and took the blade, I ran it across my wrist, the blade had gone over and barely missed my vein, at the time I didn't know that. I carried on cutting across any part of my body, arms, legs, stomach, shoulders and more.

When I was covered in cuts I lastly took all 19 of the pils and eventually I passed out.

I had no recognition of what happened after, I just woke up in a hospital bed, I was in pain everywhere.

The doctor explained to me why I was here and that I was in a critical condition.

They then explained that my father was in prison, for drunk driving and robbing a store and that I'd have to live in a care home and that my father would never get custody of me again because he was irresponsible.

I finally got out of hospital, but I still self-harmed, I was mess, and I still am. Right now I have been fostered by Karen, you would seem her today, I still self harm and I just still can't take it.

I'm sorry to say I've attempted suicide 12 more times since then.

Don't get me, wrong Karen is lovely I just miss the way it used to be. When my father wasn't a drunk maniac, when my mother wasn't dead, when I wan a normal teenager.

I just want to be happy again.
But that can't happen.

No one will let it happen.

I can't be happy again. No matter how hard I try."