Bite Shift

75

I don't know how long it had taken us to get to Sorin's estate. He had carried me to the car and laid me in the back seat. I curled up in a ball, staring into the black leather, an inch from my face, the whole time. The rocking of the car, mixed with exhaustion, put me in a little trance. It was either that or shock. Can vampires have PTSD?

My brain was treating me to a playback of the last few days. My attack. Will in my home. Sneaking into Rhys' home. My vision of Monica. The parking garage. The trunk. The crate. I saw Alex in a heap, Monica being bitten, Rhys being kicked. My sudden merging with a French ghost. Ripping a man's throat out with my teeth. The near-rape. And, my favorite, killing a man by burning him alive with my mind.

There are not enough therapists in the world to fix me.

We came to a stop. Sorin opened my door and lifted me from the prison of my mind. He was so hard and cold but I wanted nothing more than to be against that chest, in those arms, until the end of time. I never wanted to be alone and exposed again.

But I wasn't exactly helpless, was I?

He carried me up the stairs like I weighed nothing. It occurred to me that no man had ever carried me before. There is something wonderful about being cradled and taken to some place safe. I wanted to tell him that but I was too tired to even speak.

Tamela was at the top of the stairs. I hadn't heard her. When she spoke, I jumped and curled into Sorin.

"The bath is ready." She said and something sad was in her voice.

He started to walk but she must have stopped him. He turned and I felt her touch my head. "I am so sorry, Kate," she whispered. "I failed you."

I wanted to tell her it was okay. I wanted to take that sadness in her words. But, again, my voice failed me. I didn't move so he continued down the hallway. I didn't know what door he went into but felt the steam as soon as we stepped in.

He sat me on the edge of a large tub. The tile was cold under my skin. It's weird how tile can stay chilly in a hot bathroom but I was grateful for it. It felt solid; real. I lifted my arms without being told. The dried blood had stuck the shirt to my skin so he had to give it a slight tug to get it off. I stood and he slid the panties down my legs. As I squatted down, to get them off, I caught the sight of myself in the mirror. Dark, dried blood painted my face from chin to nose. It covered my torso like a macabre garment.

I'm a thing of nightmares.

Sorin stood, lifting me up and lowered me into the water. I let him. Every muscle in me was used up and my brain had shut down for the time being. I think it was trying to protect me from what I already knew.... I would never be the same.

He removed his pants and shoes. The bath tub was big enough for six adults to fit and have legroom but he slipped down behind me. I rested onto his chest.

He found a washcloth, folded up and sitting nearby. Soaking it with the bath water, he rubbed it down my chest. "We don't have much time. I wish I could do this right. All the times I imagined you in here with me, I never wanted it to be like this."

I saw the dark red flakes fall to the bath and float away. Some of the parts that hadn't dried had created a swirl of color in the water around me. It was so similar to my first bath after I turned. I couldn't believe how much had happened since.

"I don't know what to say."

At least I know that I am not too broken to speak.