I'm Lucky To Have You (Cherik- Charles Xavier & Erik Lehsherr (AU)

Ten

Charles

I'm still not over him. I cried every night for six years because I'd lost someone as dear to me as Erik was. Without him, the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. I have never loved again for he has changed me. I have lived to see the world evolve into a fairer place where everyone got their chance. Being homosexual was legalised just years after Erik's suicide. If he'd stayed, we could have made it together. Finally got to love each other in public and have no one put us down because it was legal. We were happy, wonderful in fact until the argument that led to the tragic events we were forced to deal with.
A few days after his funeral, I bring a note that I was supposed to give to my dear friend in order to settle the disagreements.
Erik, I am sorry. I am incredibly sorry for what I have done. I want to be a good man to you, so we can start over and become even closer than we already are.
I told the others to leave me, therefore taking me back to square one where I was alone in the house with nothing to live for and nothing to find interesting anymore. I longed to lose the last will I had to live so I could join my lover in the world of death. My life would be lit up once more and I'd be happy again.
A year after his death, I went down to the grave and sat there, staring at the cold grey stone and reread the sentence that I didn't have the guts or the power to say at the funeral.
The way I love you is one that I cannot deal with on my own. I know you share that love, Erik. I'm glad. I'm glad that we can put the past behind us. I want to be yours forever. We can protect the future of our kind, together. Next week we can go out to those restaurants that we've always been curious to see. I'll make reservations as soon as you read this note.
I cancelled the reservation I had made before I planned on giving Erik the letter. I couldn't go on my own and I couldn't go without Erik. No one else is good enough to take his place.
"I'm sorry," said I as I lay next to him, "it's my fault you are here. Without my ill manner, you would still be here, laying with me properly. We could enjoy the sunlight and the rainfall together. We could have adopted a child, maybe more than one. You could have been something greater than you already are."
I decided that I would do something with my time that I was otherwise going to spend being idle. I was going to find out about Erik's past and find out who he really was.
I searched his drawers full of his personal information and one thing came across my eyes. He had written to someone he knew, asking them how they were and what was going on. It was in German but I managed to find key words that I knew. He had signed it at the bottom with a name I didn't recognise.
M. Eisenhardt.
That's one thing. I thought as I surfed through the piles of plain paper that Erik had used.
I wish to see you smile again my love. You aren't living to be unhappy, you are living to be loved by me. Only me. I would send you a hundred chess sets in order for you to love me again. I am willing to slave for you. I will work until I am yours again.
As I was out doing my weekly shopping, I ran into the man who sold us the chess sets on the day Erik and I first met.
"Hey! Good to see you again! I'm John Winchester, owner of the store you and your friend bought the chess sets from." He said, shaking my hand as held his daughter in his reach.
"Oh, hello. Xavier, Charles Xavier. I remember that day. Such a long time ago."
"Yes. How are you doing? How's your friend?"
"Ah. Well uh, Erik is d-dead. For at least a year or so now. As for your first question, I'm surviving. Thank you for asking."
John sent his daughter away to find something as we talked about previous events.
"I am sorry. If I had known, I wouldn't have asked. Do you know what of?"
I shook my head and did my best not to cry. I knew I had to lie about this. I had cried enough for three lifetimes.
"That I do not, but I do not wish to know. I'm content with not knowing."
"Again, I'm so, so sorry. He seemed so nice. Where was he from again? I know he was European like yourself."
"Germany. I'm not sure which part, but we were closer than we thought in the beginning. If only I wasn't out here. I know I could have met him before."
I walked round the shop with John and his daughter Sam, talking to them both about plans I had for the future that I'd made up on the spot, some were plans that I did think about doing.
"Well, we gotta get back. Just so you know, Charles. I know how you're feeling. My wife died when Sam was a baby. In a house fire. I still have no idea as to how it started."
"I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure she was lovely."
"She sure was. Prettiest girl in town, a natural beauty. Now tell me, Charles, were you and Erik, yanno, together?"
"I would like to say that we were but when he died, we were having an argument over nothing as usual but this time it was much worse than before. Therefore we weren't together properly although neither of us decided that the relationship was over."
"Well, you're welcome to come over whenever you need to. Just come to the store and I'll get Sammy to lead you out back to the house. I'll be closing about six so that's the best time to come."
"Thank you very much John. I'm sure I'll visit at one point."
I said goodbye to John and Sam and bought the contents of my basket. Four bottles of wine. Half a bottle per day got me through the week back then.
I'm ready to be a man again. I'm ready to love you again. I hope you're ready to forgive me too.
I told myself I had to discover who Erik is aside from the person he was to me.

Hello! I felt the need to update this. My grandmother bought me two of the Poldark books *infinite swag faces* Just need the other 10. Hope you all enjoyed reading!