FOOLS

CHAPTER III

"I'm truly in deep shit" He muttered under his breath when, two days later, not only did his interior designer tell him that his apartment was going to be ready by the end of the week but even his manager sent him his schedules and let me tell you that it was a punch in the gut.

How was he supposed to do alone a radio thing related to some famous people in China and in Korea (yes, surprisingly, even Minghao was on the list since he was going to participate in a new upcoming C-drama) and modeling for some brand? Why did SM think it would be a great idea to let him do some covers every month even? When? Why?

"Why me?" He fell on the bed, hitting his chest repeatedly ("That's the same thing I did when J- no, no and no, bad Renjun, bad Renjun") "Okay, let's think" He took some papers and a pen "Let's write everything I need to do down and see how I can create a routine out of this mess"

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"Fuck you, and you, and you" He started to sing while trying to figure out the time he should sleep (and he won't probably do it) "I hate your friends and they hate me too" He decided to put it in his free time which was more than he actually expected but less than he should (he isn't going to pass an opportunity to watch Moomin on the TV for some sleep. Who needs it when you have Moomin?)

While he was finishing writing everything down, he started to zone out and think about them, about what they were, what they could have been, and what they actually are now.

What did he do wrong?

If he thinks about everything that happened at the start (where his thoughts weren't "How do I get them to love me again?" but "How can I show them my love?") he wouldn't notice everything wrong, they were attentive, he was trying to give them all the love he could and...

Yeah, well, everything was fine at the start if we don't count the fact that they were a little awkward with each other and had to go slow while trying to figure out how to make this relationship work.

Maybe it was after Chenle's confession of them not being close to each other?

He isn't saying that Chenle had made everything go down (the young man is always the first to know when someone was sad) but he has to admit that the Chinese man stated the truth and placed the turning point of their relationship.

They weren't (and aren't if he has to be honest with himself) close enough to have a relationship and the 'sub-couples' started to be formed when they noticed how they had great chemistry. Take for example Winwin and Yuta, Jeno and Jaemin, or even Doyoung and Taeyong, they had a lot of dates between themselves and not the others.

And yes, he isn't innocent, he had a couple of dates with Jaehyun or Winwin more than the others but he knew that he was doing everything wrong after Chenle's statement and started to make their relationship better.

He started to hang out more with Wayv, Dream, and the rest of NCT but he failed since it was like they didn't want to be with him if they could have the others.

He didn't blame them (he stopped after some days when he stayed at Minghao's home and nobody noticed that he was out since they were having a huge date without him to talk about Chenle's statement and, ouch, this hit him hard) since they had happy moments too.

When YangYang and he got close during one of the 'forced' dates, how Hendrey and he would cuddle whenever they felt tired after practice, the long nights Winwin and him eat together and went to China without telling to the others anything, cuddle' sessions with Luca and Jaehyun and the list go on and on and on.

So, probably, they 'forced' them to change the flow too soon (Minghao shook his head at that thing when he told him about everything) or maybe it wasn't his fault but the fact that they all made a relationship too soon and without thinking about courting each other.

"-ung and so bold, never gets old" He blinked a few times, noticing that he had written down everything and that his throat was feeling shaky, dry, and weird "screw what we are told, we can't be controlled!"

"Who cares?" He mumbled, getting up and starting to prepare his beloved hot pot "It won't change anything" He harshly opened the fridge and searched for the ingredients he needed.

Then why is he thinking of what it would have been like if they hadn't made any mistakes? What if he would still be in Taeil's embrace or listening to Jhonny now? What if he could still mess around with his beloved maknaes and play with them?

"Boy, oh boy, I love it when I fall for that" Was the last thing he listened to before turning off his phone.