◆ Pink Diamond ◆

Truth can wait.

My life never fails to amuse me. Or maybe its just my own freaking fault in the first place.
Why did I have to lie to Raven? First I made dr. Amit my boyfriend and then he became my fiance. Woohoo.
You know what? I should just go to the fund raiser alone tonight and tell Raven, that Amit and I had a fight. Then a few days later, I can tell him that Amit and I broke up.
That sounds like a good plan.
It just...it comforted me. To think that the guy who did not want me  anymore, knows that there is someone out there who wants me and not only that but also wants to marry me.
But thats not true, is it?

I guess we make up lies only because we can't accept our reality. We lie so much that even we forget to separate the truth from the lies. The lies become our world. But truth always comes knocking at the door. Always.

I always knew that Raven and I would have to break things off at some point. It wasn't possible for that relationship to ever reach anything else.  Even if he really did love me, it just wasn't going to work. I mean, we were countries apart in the first place. We could barely meet. We still had so much to work on and achieve. Making each other our priorities would have been, complete, complete stupidity.

But feelings are feelings. And I just ignored everything. I just feel like I was just lying to myself thinking that it could all actually work out.

Same with Aryan, I suppose. His late nights at work, constantly being away...and the little things, you know? He was never really affectionate. Like holding hands, or planting a kiss randomly on my forehead or cheecks? I have never been the romantic kinds, but those things count, I guess.

Nicki and I did have a conversation about it two days ago.

"I mean, don't get me wrong okay? But if Aryan is in love with Manvi, why was he enjoying cake from two different bakeries?" She questioned.

"Enjoying cake from two different bakeries? Really?" I laughed.

"Come on. Maybe he isn't in love with her either."

"He was just ordering cake from one bakery only."  I said.

"Come on. Didn't you see their passionate kiss right in front of everyone? Its clear he was getting some major action under the sheets from her."

"Maybe. I just know that he wasn't getting any from me." I confessed.

"What?" She asked wide eyed. "But you guys moved in together. Isn't that what basically happens?"

"I did not even know we were going to move in together. He announced it without even asking me. Remember mom's housewarming party? He told everyone when Mark asked if things were serious between us."

"I was right. You are really dumb when it comes to yourself." She said with an annoyed expression.

"Look, its just you know me.I am a bit traditional. And he did not mind at all, you know? He said he was asking me to live with him because he just loved being with......OH.MY.GOD."  I said in realisation. "He was making Mark jealous? But, how did he know that Mark has feelings for me?"

"I think thats where Manvi comes in. You should have let them gut out their story." Nicki said knowingly.

But that just means that Mark has had feelings for me for a really long time. And, I always thought he was gay. Nicki is right. I am dumb.

"Yeah, then I would have known the truth."
"There are somethings you already knew Nea. You just figured out Aryan wanted to make Mark jealous. Or rather make sure that Mark never has the woman he desired." I rolled my eyes at her dramatic line. She continued, "You did not need Aryan to confess that. You always knew he never loved you Nea, you chose to avoid it."

On hearing that, Dr. Amit's words rang in my ears. I suddenly remembered my second session with him the night after Raven had called for the first time in years.

"Stop lying to yourself." He said.

"Truth might hurt, but accepting it is what will help you finally move on." He continued.

Truth? Move on? What was he talking about it?

"What is the truth?"

"It is what you have known for years but you chose to avoid it. Just to save yourself from getting hurt more. But honey, you have only been hurting yourself. Thats all. You could never avoid it." He retorted.

So thats pretty much what we spoke about. Its weird how life can be. I was living with the man who did not love me at all and assumed that the man who did love me was gay. If Thor actually exists then he should hit me with his hammer right now.

But now that I have uncovered some truths it still did not solve the problem at hand. In Raven's mind Dr. Amit is my fiance and I am supposed to show up with him tonight.

I had an idea. I called mom.

"Hi sweety. When will you be home? I made..."

"Mom, listen. Do you have doctor Amit's number?" I cut her off.

"Yes. I have his card. Why? Is everything alright?"

"Yes. I am on my way to Channel for a dress. Just text me his number."

I know truth comes out eventually. But it can wait, a little while.

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