Figure My Heart Out (Camren)

Chapter 9

Camila's POV

This could not be happening. The beautiful green color in Lauren's eyes seemed to have disappeared and everything suddenly came crashing down. She shook back and forth in the corner of her bathroom and never made eye contact with me. As her mascara ran down her face, she bawled her eyes out and completely lost control of everything all at once. I slowly stepped towards her, not knowing how she was going to react, and eventually cradled her in my arms.

"N-No!" she screamed, pushing me away forcefully. "I-I was trying to get better for you...I didn't want to do drugs anymore, b-but I needed to. I couldn't take it anymore and I don't k-know if I'll ever be able to quit!"

I sat across from her and felt trapped knowing that she didn't want me to comfort her. I just wanted to make her fe

"It's ok Lauren..." I whispered while trying to nonchalantly scoot closer to her.

"No! It's not ok. You don't get it," she whimpered. Her head was covered by one of her hands as her other remained hidden behind her back. I could see that she was shaking and having a severe panic attack, if not a nervous breakdown.

"What's behind your back?" I questioned concerned.

She wept with guilt and slowly raised her head up to reveal her tear stained face. Her hand hesitantly appeared from behind her back before she tossed a small razor blade on the ground.

"Lauren..." I whispered, trying to keep myself together. "Never ever try to do that again. You don't ever need to hurt yourself and I want you to know that I don't blame you for any of this. Please tell me you have never done this before?" I asked, squeezing my eyes shut to prepare myself for the answer.

"I-I'm sorry.." she sobbed, lifting up her sleeves to reveal all of her scars and some recent cuts on her wrist.

"No..." I cried, shaking my head and pulling her onto my lap no matter what she was going to do. "We're going to get through this together."

—-

Lauren's POV

I hated myself. I hated myself for making Camila see me in that mental state and having to witness me being so vulnerable and weak. I just wanted to be the girl she wanted in her life and not some mess that had all sorts of problems. I didn't want her to feel like she needed to fix me.

"Camila?" I asked, cuddling up to her in my bed.

"Yeah?" she asked half asleep. "What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing...I just want to apologize for yesterday. Sometimes I can't control how I react to certain things, but I'm going to try to get better. I really don't want to smoke anymore, especially weed. I just get high to get my mind off of the problems in my life," I admitted, pulling her closer to my body.

My biggest fear was rejection. That one day she wasn't going to be able to forgive me and that I was going to be left alone. I knew that I was secretly dependent on Camila for making me feel good about myself and that without her I would have most likely been in prison or worse.

She took a deep breath and turned around before kissing me as our bodies pressed against each other. Our tongues battled for dominance without force until I won and she accepted the loss happily.

"Don't worry about it...it's ok I promise. I'll always be right here for you," she smiled.

"Thanks babe. Do you know how sweet and perfect you are?" I asked, kissing her cheek.

"I know, I know," she giggled. "I'm quite the catch."

"You're so cheesy," I joked, pulling her waist closer to mine to fake her out so that I could easily tickle her.

"Lauren!" she whined, laughing uncontrollably. "Stop!!"

I continued tickling her until I eventually gave in and stopped to make her happy.

"It's only because you're cute," I smirked.