The grouchy man! (gay bdsm bl story +21)

Part 9

It wasn't long before I started riling up. she went into his office, looking at him with those sneaky eyes. I know what's that meant. She had eyes for him, and I wasn't just gonna stand there and watch.

I broke into his office, and came closer to Erin, I whispered to her: " It's okay, I will take care of it now."

She looked at me confused, so, I said looking at her face: "get out"

She looked at me than jimmy.

He nodded at her with his head, telling her to leave.

After she left, I went toward him furious, I was feeling a mountain of feelings. I  was very jealous, angry, and uncomfortable. I was having a depression phase, but still, I had to protect my love, because no matter what, I'd still want him to be here and to be mine and mine alone.

I pulled his chin, with a stern face, and said:" you like women now, huh? you figured out that we are an anomaly. I knew this was gonna happen"

He looked at me with a smirk, then, he slapped my hands away, and pulled me towards him ended up falling on his lap. He said to me: "We are an anomaly? anomaly? anomaly? anomaly?  We are an anomaly, we deviate from what's standard, normal, ordinary, predicted, boring. We are us."

I looked at him with tears in my eyes, maybe I've been holding too much inside of me, that makes me just act like a bitch, makes me tight, upset, uncomfortable. I was about to explode, I needed to explode, I'm not doing very well, not gonna lie.

I was sitting on his lap, I pulled him into me, I hugged him tightly, and said: "I'm tired, I need you, I really need you, I just don't think I can stand anymore"

He pulled me, looking at my face, holding my arms while I'm staring at him with teary, sad, longing eyes. He said: "If you're tired, I will hold you, just like I will hold all that's making you suffer like this. I'm telling you to give me all the bad thoughts, the bad feeling, just lay em on me, and I can handle them. It kills me when you're like this"

I looked at him with a puppy face, Iwas gonna start unpacking all my bad energy and start unfolding it bit by bit, by just making my puppy face, being clingy, and cautiously aware of everything he says that makes me angry, but yet happy to be angry.

I said gasping:" Ice cream, blueberries, yogurt, clementine, bed, your arms, movie, tissues, no light"

He laughed and immediately kissed me on my cheeks and said smiling: "I kinda want: hot, bath, smoke, skin, wet, robe, wine, music, you" he sighed continuing: "but we'll go with your plan for now."

I didn't know it until I was already feeling good. It's the thing about emotions, they're unpredictable, you never know what you gonna feel until it hit you with no warning. They sometimes feel bad to the point that you think, that's it, I don't think I'm gonna be happy ever again, but before you know it, you feel happy, to the point where you ask yourself am I supposed to be this happy? where you just can't stop laughing, and everything suddenly looks good, maybe there is hope for you after all, but then you're sad again. It's a vicious circle, It's a never-ending circle. It's a trap and you're the mouse who continues running their entire life without ever knowing that they were inside a box and they never got to get out of it and see this big world.

Jimmy suddenly interrupted my series of thoughts, bringing me back to him by touching my hair. I like his touch, It's soft and gentle, and you can tell how much he cares just by the touch.

We were on the bed, he was feeding me blueberries, looking after me, patting my hair. I was laying on his naked chest, feeling his heartbeat, asking myself, are those for me? it was music to my ear. he has gloomy features, but I see how he radiates, I see him, the real him. I see how loving he is, how good he is, how soft...

He kissed my forehead and said: "I'm always gonna be here for you, you know that, right?"

It was a relief hearing him saying those words, I love him so much, and I don't think I ever even loved myself this much, I love him just how a religious person loves their god. I want him to never leave me, or I will die.

I squeezed my self more into his chest hugging him tighter as I was having these thoughts.My breath was breaking through his skin, exploring deeper and deeper layers, tears dropped from my eyes to fall on his chest, he felt the tear falling on him, making his body feel sour like he tasted it.

he said to me: "Let it out, let it all out, don't be ashamed of it for we never gonna be one until you are you with me, I don't want you to fake your happiness"

Hearing him saying that reminds me of how hard it is to show real happiness. When something happens and makes you really happy, you try to avoid it, because you don't want the  others to see it. Maybe that's because of how introverted I am, maybe I was scared of showing the real me. Emotions, sad or happy, when you feel them, it's genuine, it's real, you can't control them, you don't know what others think about them. Which made me develop emophobia as time went by.  I'm scared of emotions, that's the conclusion, I've come up with so far.

I answered him;" I won't have to as long as you're with me "

He continued patting my hair, "monsters" was playing in the background, and I got deep with my thoughts.

I snapped off all of sudden and I got this crazy idea, that I still regret until now.

I screamed, with excitement: "Let's smoke weed"

He looked at me wondering what's happened to me and said:" what?"

I answered: "What? I've never tried it and I feel like doing something fun. I'm tired of this depressive atmosphere"

He said:" you are a kid, If you wanna try, you have to know how to handle it first"

I answered:" I will"

He brought the weed, we smoked on the balcony. and that balcony witnessed a whole different level of craziness. yes, what happened was the craziest, most exotic experience I have ever lived in my entire life and It was for him too.
To be continued...